Sister married to - I think - a narcissist alcoholic

[Pinktulip33]

My sister's husband has always been a difficult man, bad with money, trouble keeping jobs, domineering, rude. Nothing was ever really said within the family but we all knew something wasn't quite right. We all fell into a pattern of knowing to be really careful around him - not to say anything to offend him, careful to judge his mood. When my sister and he were bringing up their children everything seemed okay-ish but now the children have gone to uni everything seems to have come to a head. We discovered that my BIL has a serious drink problem. He won't try to get help for this. He says he has cut down but I don't think this is true. Two of the children don't want to know him, he has caused them so much pain- let them down, done some really cruel things that I can't really write about here. The third child seems to be turning into his father - drinking too much, being rude, unreliable, bad with money. He has recently returned home and now my sister is at home with a husband and son who both treat her terribly. I've tried to talk to her about this but she keeps making excuses for both of them. It's really hard for me, and for her other two children and the wider family circle, to watch all of this. I feel so angry for her, and so scared that she's going to be stuck in this life. I've read threads about narcissism and alcohol and I think maybe my BIL fits this description, and that me nephew is going to end up the same. I've no idea what to do to help. I want to support my sister but I'm scared of antagonising her. And I want to stop my nephew from ending up like his father.

You can't do anything about the consequence of influence that your BIL has had on his children. This is simply the way it goes.
If your sister is struggling at home with an alcoholic dh and a son who looks to be headed the same way, Al-Anon provide practical and emotional support for people effected by alcoholics. Your sister could start there if she wants.
There is not much you can do, other than offer your non-judgmental emotional support.

Thanks linguini. I should have said - she has been going to Al anon since last year, and says it helps her cope/not go mad. I'm frightened that if my nephew goes off the rails it will be too much for her. I also feel scared that my BIL haunt acknowledged his problems or the damage he has caused. His son - unlike his siblings - won't accept that his father has problems, and so might end up with the same set of problems. I'm trying to support his siblings, I can't do much for my sister because she closes down when the issue arises. I think if my BIL was forced to confront his behaviour then his son would also have to face it and then there would be some hope for him. But I don't know how to take this forward. I don't want to cause any more upset.