NC with DPs Sis - is it possible?

[Jessica2point0]

I was wondering how easy it is to go NC with SIL, but maintain contact with PIL, does anyone have any experience / advice?

DP and I are late 20s, have been living together for two years, and are currently ttc. I have a difficult relationship with his parents, but after reading "toxic inlaws" and following the advice (about 6 months ago) it seems to be getting much better.

His sister, on the other hand, is carrying on regardless. Whenever DP and I decide something she doesn't agree with (like we can't afford to go on holiday with DPs family this year) she tries to guilt-trip DP, throws massive hissy fits and runs off to her DM in tears about how selfish I am to not consider her feelings. I haven't helped, to be fair, as I used to give in too, but have now started standing up for us.

It all came to a head last week when she planned a meal for her birthday (she's 23 next week) and invited PIL, DP, her own BF, and specifically told DP I wasn't welcome because "I don't like Jess and I can invite who I want". DP was really upset and said he wouldn't go, but I really don't mind if he does and I think he would really be devastated to fall out with his family.

Thanks for reading this far, so now I'll get to my point. I'm worried about the effect she's having on my mental health (I've been in counselling a few times and I'm starting to feel overwhelmed again), but I don't want DP to lose his sister because of me - is it plausible for just me to go NC with her until she grows up?

Yes.

You're clearly some of the way there already, just keep going as you are.

Your DP clearly has things he needs to work through with her, let him do that. It sounds as if you're being the bigger person.

Thanks! It's so hard to work out whether I'm making good choices or living in a fantasy world where everything will turn out okay.

your dp needs to have a frank and open conversation with her about her immature and nasty behaviour.......and if he chooses not to partake in her games then that's good - it's the only way she's going to learn that you are part of the family irrespective of her personal opinion. i mean, what is she going to do if you decide to get married - refuse to go unless he marries someone else? Deliberately be as difficult as possible/ruin the wedding? What about when you have your dc -will she play these divisive games with them too? Or will she expect you to allow her to see your dc without you there so she try and cause problems between you and your dc?

that's the way it's going to go unless your dp nips this silly nonsense in the bud right now.

It's tricky because not inviting you and your DP goes could set a precedent for future family events so that you become excluded from them. Although by the sounds of it, it may be no great loss.

sugar, she wouldn't miss out on a wedding or children, in those cases she'd pretend to like me for just long enough to make it all about her get what she wanted. I think DP is coming to the point where he is ready to tackle her, but I want it to be in his own time.

scrounger, I actually don't mind too much missing events at the moment, but I'm pretty sure I wouldn't be comfortable with DP taking any DC without me. I might just let the dust settle for a while. I've had a talk to DP and said that I am fine with him going but I am not willing to be kind / loving towards someone who treats me as an inconvenience (if she ever deigns to be in my presence again). He reckons she's "out of order" and I'm perfectly entitled to not want to be around her at the moment.

As someone who has also had counselling and has also struggled with people fitting this description - I would look after yourself and continue as you are, go NC, and let your DP come out of the FOG (fear, obligation and guilt) when he is ready.

Good luck.