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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I need advice on where this is going please?

57 replies

Milliemooxo · 17/03/2015 15:09

Hey all,

I have posted on here in the past when my mum died and it was nice to get some support from other mums (I'm not a mum myself) so I hope it is okay to post again for some sound advice :)

I have recently met a guy who is friends with my older brother. I have known him for a while because of this obviously, but more just like somebody to say hello to. I don't get on with my older brother particularly well.

Anyway, since Christmas i have seen this guy out in bars quite regularly and we always chat along with his friend who also knows my brother very well and we all get along well and have a laugh. A few weeks ago me and this guy ended up alone and we kissed. We then exchanged messages via facebook.

This weekend I saw the two guys again and my friend and I stayed with them all night. The guy I like held my hand all night and was really sweet. He told my friend he likes me and that he won't mess me about. He was drunk though lol! His friend also told my friend that he seemed smitten with me Blush. We ended up going back to his friends house and had drinks there until the early hours and he held my hand on the sofa all night and we cuddled etc. We then went back to my house where we slept together and he stayed til around 1pm that afternoon. He said he didn't want to go home and even mentioned a next time..

Anyway, that was at the weekend and since then we have spoke every day but only 3-4 messages per day and it's been me who has initiated it. He takes a while to reply but I guess I've been comparing him to my ex who we used to text all day every day. He asks questions and keeps the conversation flowing, and popped up with a silly photo to make me laugh last night.

BUT..He hasn't asked me out! I mentioned him tkaing me out at the weekend in a jokey manner but he said he had no money until he gets paid. I daren't mention it again and I daren't ask him out myself in case he says no. I don't even mind going out where we have to pay..I'd be happy just to see him or go for a drive etc!

Does it sound like he is interested? Or am I wasting my time? I do really like him, and when i saw him at the weekend with his friend, he asked if the two of us wanted time alone - which made me think he had told him we'd been chatting. Do I keep waiting and initiating conversations or do I just ask him out myself?

Sorry it's so long and thanks for any help!

OP posts:
PrettyFeet · 17/03/2015 20:30

Yes it is a horrible feeling when you think you have been messed around. He didn't mess you around though OP. You both had consensual sex, which is allowed. It just doesn't seem like he wants the same as you.

If having sex with someone so soon makes you feel like this I really suggest you don't in the future.

Go on dates, get to know a guy first.

Original poster
Milliemooxo · 17/03/2015 20:42

Thanks for all the replies. I guess all I can do is wait and see - he told my friend he liked me, would take me out and wouldn't mess me around - and we have been chatting a while and like I said he knows my brother. It wasn't like a totally random one night stand but I do see where you are coming from :)

All I can do is wait x

OP posts:
Original poster
Milliemooxo · 17/03/2015 20:47

mix56 I will wish him happy birthday nonetheless! :)

OP posts:
Binklesback · 17/03/2015 20:52

Maybe he is treading carefully for the very reason that he knows your brother.... Letting you down gently and backing away slowly as it were... In all honesty, he should have been pursuing you and making you feel a bit special after sleeping together by now...that's just my hunch. I'm sorry I know that sounds rubbish but after sex if he's into you he really should show it in the following days/weeks, so you feel valued if nothing else.

Original poster
Milliemooxo · 18/03/2015 08:21

Perhaps. The amount of texts hasn't changed since we slept together, a bit more would be nice, but it's not like they've dwindled. All I can do is wait. Sucks!

I was messed before by a guy who turned out to have a girlfriend, but when you are messed with someone who is single and can invest their time with you then it kind of hurts more lol.

OP posts:
Binklesback · 18/03/2015 08:34

It's so confusing isn't it!!

Original poster
Milliemooxo · 18/03/2015 08:43

It's stressing me out! As you can tell lol Sad

OP posts:
Binklesback · 18/03/2015 08:59

As I say bottom line is try not to get fixated on texts. Rationalise it like this, if one of your friends didn't text you all day would you obsess about why? Of course not! doesnt mean they are not your friend or have stopped being interested in you. So just put it to the back of your mind and be chilled and fingers crossed he will make his interest in you clear , hopefully in person! Grin

Binklesback · 18/03/2015 09:00

Good luck with it, make sure you don't become a weekend FWB though, if that's not what you want x

Original poster
Milliemooxo · 18/03/2015 09:09

Aww that's so true :) thank you x

OP posts:
Original poster
Milliemooxo · 18/03/2015 13:16

So..

I messaged happy birthday and it's been read but no reply lol must be something im doing wrong! Ah well. Thanks for replies again people. :( x

OP posts:
GoatsDoRoam · 18/03/2015 14:32

You're doing nothing wrong. Other than continuing to obsess over texts. But YOU as a person remain a desirable partner - just not in this man's eyes.

And that's ok. Just save your energy for the men who are interested in you.

Original poster
Milliemooxo · 18/03/2015 15:49

I'm beginning to think they don't exist! lol Blush

OP posts:
ineedabodytransplant · 18/03/2015 16:14

excuse me for asking, but do blokes settle for one 'leg-over' Grin, never to contact the woman again? I'm a bit(a lot really) out of touch with dating, sex etc. But I couldn't imagine if I was ever lucky enough to have sex again, that I'd be happy with just one time with a woman.

Maybe it's me?

ineedabodytransplant · 18/03/2015 16:15

Just I imagine I'd want to be at it at every opportunity Wink

Original poster
Milliemooxo · 18/03/2015 17:16

maybe I was rubbish! LOL

OP posts:
ineedabodytransplant · 18/03/2015 17:23

Or perhaps he was!

Or they may be another reason. It could be to do with himn being skint until payday. Us men don't always think logically (shock) and if it was me I would be panicking thinking about how to go out on a date. I wouldn't give a bottle of wine at 'her' place a thought. And with no money (thankfully, not a position I find myself in nowadays, but....)

Original poster
Milliemooxo · 18/03/2015 17:26

I live with my dad and a bottle of wine at mine really isn't what id want or expect him to imagine, he's quite a 'lad' kind of person so I doubt he even drinks wine haha. He lives with his parents too.

Maybe the money thing is genuine but he still hasn't replied to my happy birthday message so I can't help but feel that's it now, as he has seen it and been online recently.

OP posts:
Original poster
Milliemooxo · 18/03/2015 17:35

He replied Blush

OP posts:
MatildaTheCat · 18/03/2015 17:46

And???!!

Go slow, anyway. And fwiw 3-4 texts a day? That's almost harassment in my book.Grin

Original poster
Milliemooxo · 18/03/2015 17:50

He just said thank you and made a joke of having to work on his birthday :)

OP posts:
ItMustBeBedtimeSurely · 18/03/2015 18:00

Honestly, if he wanted to go out with you, he would have made that clear. Stop texting him and get on with your life is my advice. It's hard, but losing your dignity is going to make you feel worse and isn't going to make him keener. Sorry.

weedinthepool · 18/03/2015 18:00

DO NOT REPLY! Yes he has replied to your birthday text but that is because it is polite. Leave it now and let him make the best move. If he likes you he will text by Sunday. Just go about enjoying your weekend now and put him to the back of your mind Smile

Original poster
Milliemooxo · 18/03/2015 20:14

I just asked him if he was doing anything nice and he replied and I just left it with that it sounded good! I won't txt now and see if he gets in touch...Blush

OP posts:
VanitasVanitatum · 19/03/2015 13:34

You need to stop texting first altogether. If you reply don't do it straight away. Might sound like game playing but there's nothing false in holding yourself back a bit at first. It's unfortunately true that for a lot of people interest is piqued by something one cannot have.

If he's just not into you then it won't matter how much or how little you text, frankly it doesn't sound like he's interested in a relationship :(

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