I think I'm having some sort of post traumatic episodes, but the trauma didn't happen to me.
My boyfriend and I are mid 40s, live separately, I have two children under 7, he has none.
Last Autumn he had a heart attack (one blocked artery, other half blocked, 4? stents fitted) and after he'd texted me he was in the middle of it at home, I bundled my kids in the car and taxi'd over there, frustrated because the cab took 20 minutes to arrive, I fully expected to find him unconscious or worse.
He's been a lifelong smoker, although ate relatively healthily, didn't really do any exercise at all, extremely stressfully self employed, but also has a family history of heart diseases, some severe, one of which recently took his brother.
Despite all this, it was still an unexpected shock. For me too, as he's a big strapping six footer and not at all chubby.
Anyway, his other brother took this very hard (he worries he's next, considering all his other brothers have now had heart related issues) and has been unable to cope well, sitting outside my boyfriend's home every day until he's back home, then giving him his grief and concerns until my boyfriend is almost beyond breaking point. Naturally, my boyfriend's stress over his brother is passed onto me.
Since his heart attack, and understandably so, he has changed from a happy go lucky bright and sunny soul (in my opinion) with a philosophical attitude to death, to someone miserable, relentlessly moaning, critical, jumpy, and so on.
He did immediately give up smoking and his diet became so strict he reads every nutritional table and does not give an inch as far as treats or forbidden unhealthy food goes, so those are two factors which doubtless add to his changing behaviour too.
I have also been dumped several times by him since it happened, storming off style and requesting I never contact him again, although he did ask me to marry him the first night home after hospital but I presumed that was shock speaking so couldn't take him seriously (much as I'd like to 
).
I feel like I've been through the mill with his emotions and change in behaviours. He's frequently said he wants to end it all, but I don't think he actually means it. I still don't like hearing it though.
His job and close family life with his brothers/Mum still give him stress, amd although physically he's done brilliantly by stopping smoking, changing his diet, starting exercise regimes, and so on, the emotional recovery isn't anywhere near over.
Because of his short fuse, I've kept my own worries hidden. I've not been able to sleep since it happened. I'm awake until around 3/4am every night (and I have to get up for achool and work at 8am..) mainly because I'm too scared to fall asleep in case I don't wake up.
I can't seem to drop off because I fall into that split second thing where you literally physically jolt as you 'fall asleep' and that panics me and I wake up. It happens several times.
I recently started taking a strong ibuprofen tablet before bed as it worked well to send me off to sleep, but Im not supposed to take them with asthma, and having never been a prescription medication user before (apart from asthma inhalers and contraception) the dependency potential concerned me so I stopped, and now I'm unble to sleep again.
We lost a baby last summer too and I think the heart attack a few months later brought that back to me as well, one death, another almost death..
The other thing is the crying. I keep having proper full on sobbing attacks of around 5-10 minute durations in both day and night time. After a few minutes I stop and everything is relatively ok again. Are they just a natiral stress release?
My over riding fear is because my chikdren's father has been totally absent for years, and there is DV history, my boyfriend's heart attack has put my own mortality into vision, and I'm terrified of dropping dead and my children can just immediately be whisked away by their absent father, to live a life where they would be neglected physically and emotionally, in a house where lets just say, he lives in the attic without hot water, heating, or kitchen facilities, and has done so for many years. It terrifies me, as my own siblings would not take on my children - one is mentally unstable, the other has given away her own children to live with their nan and their dad, and the other had children extremely young and has taken steps to ensure in his current later life he definitely does not have more. My mother is also far too unwell to be physically responsible for young children now.
Summarily, I'm hoping someone who has also had a partner gone through this can advise or direct me how I can better support him, whilst simultaneously taking charge of my own fears that have sprung from his incident. I have eve skived off work today because I have been unable to deal with the sobbing episodes or sleeplessness anymore.
I haven't found any directly related online forums on the topic, even the British Heart Foundation one is stagnant with barely a handful of active members.
It feels as if the partners of heart attack victims have no support at all, yet we directly deal with the emotional fall out from it too.
I have also felt that because heart attacks are so common (75,000 deaths a year in the UK) I am expected to be less affected by it, because it happens all the time, and 'everyone' has gone through it or knows someone close who has.
I'm just hoping people have some of their own stories to share I suppose, so that I can be reassured I'm not being too pathetic and that there are ways I can be better supporting him.
Sorry for the essay, I tried editing/condensing but every sentence just seemed vital inclusion 