Think I need to leave dp

[Sugarfreeriot]

We had a 2 year old dd, live together, have a mortgage etc but I'm unhappy. I don't trust him. I've posted about concerns regarding his relationship with his boss on aibu and explained that due to his previous behaviour ( messaging other women throughout my pregnancy, sending photos etc and joining dating sites) I can't trust him. I've tried and I can't and I can't go on like this.
I just don't know where to start and I'm not sure how to go about all this.
I've found a local family law solicitor and I'm thinking about getting hold of them before even telling him I want out, I've tried to leave in the past (well tried to get him to) and he's refused and I've just given up and fallen back into covering up how I feel and being a mum and basically just "getting along" with him.
I just don't know what to do...

Go and see the solicitor. Start getting your ducks in a row.

Take evidence of any joint assets. Hopefully with a bit of advice you can see the way clear for a future without the lying, cheating scumbag.

X

Speak to the solicitor and look at your options.

Incidentally, you don't need any reason other that 'it just isn't working for me' to leave your partner.

Yes, make appointments for initial free consultations for several solicitors (it's good to get a range of opinions.) Find out where you stand legally, what would be the expectations regarding house sale, etc.

Then when you talk to him you will know where you stand and you will be prepared to counter anything he throws at you.

Be prepared that legally he can't be forced to move out immediately if both your names are on the mortgage.

You are doing the right thing, you know you are

Get advice and make a plan because when you tell him he will try to derail you

Keep posting here, as you will need to advice and support

What do I even say to the solicitor? I'm so nervous, I never thought I'd be doing this

I am going thru the sme thing my partner is exactly the sme only he is also abusive I'm not married to him but we have 4 kids together and iv had enuf n im findin it hard to get out. I know I need to so I advise u to too it's not nice knowing they r up to something yet lying about it. Sort out wiv solicitors and ask there advice.

I suggest start from beginning they r gna want to know everything they will be on ur side and will give u some options advice n u will bed to make a decision the quicker the better Cuz they can start their work mre quickly to help u

He knows I want to leave him. He wouldn't leave me alone about the comments I made about his over the top attitude regarding his boss. I basically said he either fancies her or I'm imagining it and the latter is probably worse because it means our relationship is fucked and I want out.
He goes from sad, to begging, to a bit nasty and telling me I'm ridiculous to sad again.
I don't want to sell our home, I can't afford to pay for it. I feel like asking the solicitor to come to some agreement that we keep it so dd can go to school here and I can live at home to save for my own place. I actually own 70% of the house as I made deposit and pretty much paid for all the building works and everything in it, so I'm hoping we can keep it for dds sake even if I don't stay here.
Would mean him living here but it's better than selling it right now.
Plus means I get the support I need from my mum and family and dd can still go to her play school here and have her own room rather than having to visit her dad at her horrible grandparents house.
Wish he'd put as much into this family as I have, financially and emotionally. Would make this less daunting.

You need legal advice but if you have a child the chances are that you will be able to stay in the house

Please don't make any assumptions about finances and the house until you have taken professional advice

and certainly do not take anything he says as gospel

you might be pleasantly surprised

I can't link as am on my phone but Google "cycle of abuse" to explain him veering through all the different ways he tries to put you back in your box

he doesn't have to hit you to be abusing you

I've contacted a few solicitors via email. Find it easier to word things. He's taken dd out again to give me space and I'm just a wreck.
Why would someone do this when there's a child involved? All that crap when I was pregnant has ruined us. I don't understand him, he must be twisted. It's just so selfish.

Is your Dd his first child?

There seems to be a bit of a recurring theme on these boards that men have their first child and then chuck a massive strop at suddenly not being the centre of their partner's world. They either start being all PA and sulky, chase other women, or start addict-style behaviours.

Not twisted, just a selfish git who clearly can't be faithful, and you do know what to do.

Yes, she is. He started it literally just as I got pregnant. He's an only child too so used to being the centre of the universe.
I don't know if it is that or if it's a "shit I'm stuck with her now" and have the urge to get attention from other women and make himself feel secure that he could go elsewhere etc.
Basically he never actually wanted to be with me and realised it when he thought he had no other choice

Well, he can feck off back to mammy's then, can't he? I'm sure she will make him milk and cookies and tell him it's not his fault

A relationship isn't supposed to be this much hard work. Once you started challenging him he didn't like it.

You tried to explain why his actions hurt you, to which he replied more or less, “I’m not the one with the problem, YOU're the one with the problem”.

If he tells you that you only ever find negative things to say about him, funny that - concerning a 'D'H you can't trust - let him be someone else’s problem.

Don't be surprised if at some point he
hints at going for resident parent status with DD, or
claims other family members find you difficult, or
suggests he might change his job again for one with a drop in salary to mess with your head before any financial settlement.