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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

To let a friendship drift apart or to kick up a fuss

2 replies

ella152 · 15/03/2015 15:16

About 2 years ago I had to relocated a long way from home for work and thus make a new circle of friends. I quickly became close friends with one of my colleagues (lets call her Pam) and we spent a lot of time socialising outside work (we became each others go to person for the cinema, pub lunches etc). About 6 months ago Pam became quite stressed for a number of reasons and didn't really want to socialise so the only time we saw each other was over the occasional coffee at work. I tried to be a supportive, understanding friend and thought that if I gave her time things would eventually go back to how they were.

But they haven't. Since Christmas Pam has told me a few times that she is no longer so stressed and that her life is back on track. Yet every time I invite her to do something with me she says no. The excuses have included it's too far in advance to plan, it's too short notice, i don't really fancy that etc. She does make an effort to see me at work so isn't completely avoiding me but things just aren't the same.

I've reached the point where I really miss the Pam I used to spend time with and feel like we are drifting apart but I get the impression that she is quite happy with this new level of friendship. I'm not sure whether to be content that I still spend some time with her or to potentially open a can of worms by telling her that this reduced friendship isn't really working for me.

OP posts:
pictish · 15/03/2015 15:21

Maybe the friendship was a bit intense for her?

Toohardtofindaproperusername · 15/03/2015 16:07

Let it go ... You don't need to explicitly say it's not working for you - it's clear she doesn't want so much/the same level of connection. It's so hard relocating and making and forging new friendships - sounds like she was a friend for a 'season' and you need to work hard to find new connections. Good luck- it's tough but I'd jus let this one go and see it as more of an acquaintance than blooming friendship.

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