Am I being hormonal or is he being crap....

[ChampagneBabyCakes]

I'm looking for an honest opinion - if I call my mum or friends, of course they will agree with me. I think my husband is being completely horrible, but I'm newly pregnant and I am doubting myself as it might be the hormones?

We have two kids, 6 and 16months and I'm now just about 14 weeks pregnant with number three. Since we found out number three is on the way, my husband and I have argued every single day. Horrible arguments about stupid things but we can't seem to let it go.

For example, we are really pushed for time on a Friday morning to drop off the kids and get to work on time. I always get up thirty mins before everyone else to give me time to get ready, then I go down and sort out the kids breakfast. Once they've eaten, it's quick get dressed and get out. We've got to be out of the house by 7.10 to make everything work. While I'm dashing about doing this my husband takes 30 mins to unload the dishwasher (why, I asked him when we pay a cleaner to come and do that every Friday), puts out clothes for the kids (the wrong stuff as it's sports at school on Friday and they are supposed to wear joggers) and then has a shower. I've got to deal with the kids on my own, while dealing with morning sickness and he's just pottering about.

Then we get in the car and he's driving too fast because we are now late.... He comes up REALLY close to a van with ladders and stuff balanced in a dodgy looking way and all I say is 'careful please' and he goes off at me screaming and shouting. By the time I need to get out of the car I'm so upset I have to go and be sick. My eldest had a horrible day at school and it's our fault.

The thing is every morning is VERY similar.

Then last night he was working away - the little one is such a light sleeper, but gradually doing better. He calls us at 2am! Wakes us all up, but I can only imagine he was drunk. I've no idea. It took me two hours to settle my little one, and then he was up again at 6am.

I'm sick and I'm tired and I just wish my husband would behave in a different way.

Is this normal? Am I hormonal? Or is he being crap?

He sounds incredibly annoying and is now driving dangerously with you and the kids in the car, possibly on purpose for you daring to question his friday morning faffing.

Nice.

I dont think you are being hormonal, or unreasonable to not want phone calls at 2am. That would drive me batshit crazy.

Thanks so much. I'm finding it so hard to be human this morning. I'm just so tired.
It's nice to think it's jot just me being unreasonable.
To be honest he is trying to wind me up - maybe he doesn't even realize it, but his family have a lot of issues with me (and the whole wide world) and I'm starting to believe this is his way of taking it out on me.
Or maybe I am a crazy bitch. Either way it doesn't seem to work.

What is your H like generally speaking?.

Is this really the role model that you want to be modelling to your children, that this is how a couple behaves in a relationship?.

His current behaviour is crap and your children are learning from the two of you about relationships. Where though are the consequences for this actions from you?. What you are seeing from him may well be the real him, only he can choose to behave in a different way. Wishing that of him won't make any difference at all.

Ok - start from the premise that you are not crazy.

But I agree, it doesn't look like it is working for you at the moment.

What are your options?

If his family are really not too dissimilar in nature it is hardly surprising that he has modelled the same attitudes. We learn about relationships first and foremost from our parents; what did he learn here?. I could ask you that same question as well.

What do you get out of this relationship now?.

You are all right. We are setting a very poor example to our children. I know this, but I just kept hoping it would get better.
I talk to him about this in the evenings once the kids are in bed and he agrees with me and says sorry, but then the next day it starts all over again.

This morning we spoke on the phone and I've asked him not to come home on Monday. I don't even know how to go about separating - even if just for a trial period.

I'd just like a calmer life to be honest.

Just to answer a couple of questions, my own parental family didn't behave like this, so I think that's why I'm so shocked, I have no idea what to do. I've never seen anything like this and not sure how I've ended up like this.

And what do I get out of the relationship? I don't know. My kids love and adore him.

You need to talk to him in the firmest, baldest way (get angry) - you need to explain how his actions and temper impact you and the children. That the tension and friction is damaging to the dc, damaging for you.

If he can't properly take on board what you're saying and that he needs to change and make steps to be a better man then I'm not sure your marriage is sustainable.

Morning sickness is an absolute killer btw, you have my sympathies.

Such men do not change. This is who he really is. Talking to him only brings about a short term change. He likely feels entitled to behave like this and feels he is doing nothing wrong. I would think that either one or both his parents act very similarly.

His actions are not those of either a loving man or father. I would not think your children actually "love and adore him" as much as being in fear of him too. They see how he treats you and learn from that as well.

You could seek legal advice re your position re the property, finances and children and that would give you more knowledge. Knowledge after all is power. Use his time away wisely.

You get nothing out of this relationship really in terms of your own needs being met. If you really do want a calmer life it will ultimately be without him in it day to day. He is setting a very poor example to his children.

I didn't describe deciding to have a third child at all as the third baby was unplanned. Could he be stressed and angry about it? Absolutely! I have tried to discuss this with him and he assures me he wants the baby. I believe him because he is not exactly the type to hold his emotions back. The opposite in fact.

Kvetch 15 you are right. He wont go though. We've tried twice before and he's always too busy to keep the appointments going. I will suggest it again.