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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

husband out of work

11 replies

matsu · 14/03/2015 22:33

It's been 3 month since my husband's been unemployed.

Fortunately that happend just after I started working after being a stay at home mum for 7 years.

But, now my job gets so stressful and I can't bear work stress and bearing financial pressure on my own anymore.

I am actually foreign national who's been living here for over 10 years.
I'd like to go back to my country, if I can.

But unless things settles legally, I'm not allowed to take children back home country due to the international law called Hague Convention.

He has had so many different jobs and had several unemployment before he settle the last job which lasted for 3 years.

I did put up so many things for the sake of the children.
Now, I'm really not sure if it's worth me bearing this situation as i never feel at ease about his job situation. We're over 30 now, I don't want to live like this anymore....

He only look for a job he wants and expect more wage than his previous job. He's been to quite few interview but there's no luck...no wonder why.

I did suggested him to lower target wage or get any other jobs whilst looking for a job he wants. But he doesn't wanna do it.

When I was stay at home mum, I didn't mind doing all the house work.

Now, I work 9-6 PM come home cook dinner, washing up, do the rest of house work and catch up some house work on the weekend too.

He barely offer any help and chilling out on the sofa or constantly touching his phone.

All he does is sit in front of the computer all day and just do school run and putting up some laundry. I'm bare asking anything, and tired of his laziness.

He blames me that I have changed since I started work and tired of my constant nudging.

This is so unfair, because i'm doing what I can do for living. Watching him being lazy after me coming back from work am I even not allowed to complain?

I can't go back home, and i'm stuck not being able to leave the job.
No one to depends on in here.

How long do I have to live like this....

OP posts:
SantasLittleMonkeyButler · 14/03/2015 22:41

Poor you! No wonder you are stressed.

Can you manage financially on just your wage or are you struggling? If struggling, then he most certainly should be taking any job he can get his hands on to help cover the bills.

He should also be doing the vast majority of the housework (until he returns to full time work, when it should be 50/50).

Have you talked to him about wanting to return to your home country?

MummyBtothree · 14/03/2015 22:41

Bless you. What options do you have?

matsu · 14/03/2015 23:04

My wage is barely enough for supporting family of 4.

Even tough he think my wage plus some benefit is managing our living.
It's so wrong....

Also, I was hoping him go back to job soon, and still paying money for childminder. Because we'd definitely need childcare one he starts job, and there's no guarantee if we could find childcare if we give up the space.

I told him I can't keep childminder unless he gets a job.
All he say is " I know..." but not even thinking to get any kind of job.

He can't do house work and hopeless, if I ask him it'll just add extra job for me.

I haven't told him I want to go home, because I'm so worried that losing custody of the children. He like the boys and I don't think he wouldn't give up on them. Too scared to ask.

OP posts:
matsu · 14/03/2015 23:06

I have got no option.

As i don't have anywhere to go as this is not my home country.

The children still loves and attached to daddy too.
I know I just have to bear with it for the sake of children.

But, why do i have to live like this...

OP posts:
EssexMummy123 · 14/03/2015 23:10

What would happen if you quit your job?

matsu · 14/03/2015 23:12

Got to live on my secret saving i guess...untill ending up street.

OP posts:
MummyBtothree · 14/03/2015 23:13

You dont and you cant bear it for the sake of your children. You will only feel worse, resent your partner and you being depressed is not benefiting them for the sake of keeping the family unit together. You mustnt forfeit your happiness and wellbeing x

matsu · 14/03/2015 23:15

Thinking about being single parents, I know I need some career.
That's one of the reason I can't quit as it's only 4 months since I started the job.

Going back to work after stay at home so long time was not easy.
So I know I should stick with it.

I have no idea if i could manage being single parent in foreign country.
But, if there's any condition for the custody I can't even move back to my own country with children.

OP posts:
matsu · 14/03/2015 23:23

To; MummyBtothree
If anyone could assure me I won't lose the custody of the children I'd move on. But I can't afford solicitor who know well about Hague Convention. And I can't describe everything i need to say if things.

OP posts:
matsu · 14/03/2015 23:26

oops... typing error.

I can't describe well everything I need to say in English unless I hire interpreter.

Just get on the plane with children is the easiest option.
But, apparently i'll be accused as child abductor which is so unfair.

OP posts:
MummyBtothree · 14/03/2015 23:45

You need to speak to the citizens advice bureau hun, they will be able to tell you where you stand, your rights and your options.

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