How to go about no contact with toxic family?

[caughtupinthismoment]

Today I have been reduced to tears yet again by my toxic family. I am now realising I have to get away not only for myself but also for my daughters sake. We don't need to be around negetive influences, My DD is becoming more aware as now she is getting older and she is starting to notice.
The fact of the matter is how can I get away from my toxic family, my sister the most toxic lent me money a while ago and now I am in debt to her, She is relishing in the fact I owe her money.I am grateful that she was able to lend me it, but also wish I hadnt taken a penny of it. I have been paying it back every month but by her standards it isnt enough but its all i can afford at the moment and she is holding it over me. My mother is always siding with her I'm frankly past caring as I am a grown women but its still hurtful they way they treat me. I'm constantly being called selfish , ungrateful and inconsiderate they know I'm unable at the moment to pay back any more than I already am I will end up struggling. They are constantly trying to tell me how to live my life and how to raise my dd and its suffocating. Today we saw them and they felt the need to say how spoilt and huffy my dd was, but to be honest she's not like that at all she is just uncomfortable around them.But if we dont see them they would knock knock on my door until I answered or ring and ring they wouldnt just leave me alone.
I'm fed up of it all but the problem is how can I go about limiting contact and distancing ourselves completly from them. When firsty I still owe my sister money and second they both live within a 10 minute walk.

You need to pay off the debt to your sister, and as soon as possible. I'm assuming here that she knew your financial circumstances and that you discussed your ability to pay it. Being beholden to anyone gives them power over you. Nasty people see this as an opportunity to punish you.

Pay off the debt and tell the pair of them to fuck off and stay fucked off. It's not that hard: you keep the door locked, never open it to them and don't answer their phone calls.

It's really easy- you just stop talking to them. You don't need a massive fall out or 'one last thing' . You just stop contacting them.

Regarding your debt - try and set up a direct debt for what you can afford. Don't kill your srlf paying it but at least show that you are, so if they take you to a small clsims court you can prove your are willing and trying.

I've gone NC with my mother. Horrible horrible woman. I lost my db over it for a couple of years unti he come to his senses and went NC with her too. Honestly the best thing I did for my esteem and mental health.

You don't have to stay in contact with family just because they are family.

Bless you, my heart goes out to you. My mother is a narcissist and my father is spineless and him and my brother are her 'chief' flying monkeys. My family is toxic and have said/done horrific things towards me, including making me and their grandchildren homeless, try to break my marriage up and tried their hardest to turn my three young children against me. We moved 70 miles to get away and its been 4 years now no contact. Its hard as hell but it was the right thing to do xxxx

How to go NC, the practicalities?

Since they live 10 mins away it's extra difficult. I take it there is no chance of moving (it's a very tall order admittedly). If there is any chance - take it. Seriously, it will make things SO much easier.

Regarding the debt, set up a standing order for it. Is there any chance of askign a friend or the bank or micro credit union for a loan so that you can pay her off in one? that will help a great deal. If not, simply keep paying it back by electronic transfer so there is a record of it.

For the rest of it, you have to plan how to handle it. It's hard being in touch with them, and it's going to be hard changing things so you're not in touch with them. Ever so restful afterwards though!

The best way is to do it quietly. Stop beign available. Make excuses for not popping round or not being available to meet. Not every time, start off with sometimes being unavailable and then gradually increase your unavailability. Answer the texts, but leave a period of time before answering. Sometimes make it the next day. Start not answering at all. If they pop round let them in now and then but start saying "ok i need to do XXX now, I'll be in contact, see you soon". If you have to, say that you're going out (and go; it's an arse but it's all part of the long term plan and won't be forever).

At some point they will probably get nasty. You need to plan how to deal with that. I'd suggest calmly under all circumstances. Think what buttons of yours they're likely to press and plan how you will answer them and handle it, in a calm way. If they start shouting or getting abusive, you can tell them that it's not okay to speak to you like that and they have to leave or you will call the police. Of coruse, you do have to back up what you say. But it will show them you mean it - because you do.

Most of all, keep them well away from your daughter. In age - appropriate terms tell her why it's better that you don't see her aunt and grandmother. And if you really want to make a clean break, next time they say something rude about her tell them it's not ok and you don't want to hear it any more. that should really set make them angry and then you can walk away (but keep paying the debt back; but there's no need to contact them about it).

Absolute worst case you can send them a letter and tell them you want no more contact and that any more will be considered harassment, but hopefully that will not be necessary.

Sometimes though, people actually back off once they realise the person they are walking all over is now standing up to them. If they do back off and start treating you and your daughter better, would you want limited contact? or would you want to stay well away? Just something to think about.