Long one sorry! Long time lurker! I have 1 dd aged 3 being going to nursery ( my dm owns with auntie) since 10 months old mostly without issues . I have ds who has dd aged 5 and ds aged 3 both been to same nursery too. I was fostered at a later age so these are fostered family but very close as don't have real parents alive. Previously good relationships with all, always been treated the same and so has my dd even though not blood. However sometimes always felt little things in being treated differently but let it slide as feel grateful to have a family. Very close to dsis helped each other childcare etc but both different eg different jobs I work public sector DH works finance slightly above average salaries, her and DH well paid jobs nicer house etc. slight element of competition her side but never caused a problem. We moved home 2 months ago and dd has been slightly disrupted has got very clingy and anxious being dropped at nursery crying and dm has said just having periods of screaming( goes to mil one day a week and not exhibiting exact behaviour small whinge on drop off but fine) she is also a very bright little girl excellent speech but strong willed and independant. Spoke to dm agreed a plan to try and combat anxiousness eg not telling today is nursery day etc changing subject if asks, she is going through food fussy stage and doesn't want to go to bed so dm said be firm don't give in on things. Dm is also shortly closing nursery and retiring so looking at other nurseries, we viewed one nursery and they said bring dd along. Dm didn't agree and told us not to let dd have an input in choosing nursery!!! ( we weren't) anyway short of it is I thought dd was improving tears were getting less on way to nursery and screaming was for shorter periods. Turns out wrong had a few words wed with dm she thought I wasn't listening to her advice etc cleared air and moved on - so I thiught. Yesterday I received voicemail(dm had accidentally dialed my phone left on hook) which was a recording of dm dsis and auntie basically discussing me and dd implying I was blaming everyone esle for what she is like not taking responsibility giving in to her when she won't eat what I cook, not listening to advice I was given telling me about the anxiety and dd will end up in therapy along those lines. I was extremely upset and hurt told dm so, however she was very defensive saying I blamed everyone esle I had said certain things about nursery which weren't nice( I made a joke about dd maybe being bullied) that I needed to get a grip and sort dd out, dm pleased that I had heard its out in open etc. we spoke and I said always felt compared to dsis and the children compared, I try best, have listened, thought she was improving etc. it got heated however we sorted it apologised and agreed to move forward. However I still feel extremely upset and hurt, my dd is in the main fine has what I think normal phases for her age. But I know feel like she is a real problem child and we are doing a terrible job bringing her up. I feel like all my moves are going to be judged and I need to know how to move forward positively! Sorry for length on my phone!