Please forgive me if this is a bit rambling, I don't really know where to start.
DH and I have been together for 9 years, married 4 and have 2 small DC. He was slightly overweight when we met (as was I, I hasten to add) and it has never been an issue for me at all, I've always fancied him, wanted to sleep with him etc.
The last few years though, he has steadily been gaining weight and it's now starting to impact on us so much that I don't know what to do. He hasnt told me how much he weighs now, I'm not sure he even knows himself but I think he must be around the 20 stone mark.
Last year we both joined a gym (I've gained a couple of stone too after 2 pregnancies in quick succession and I thought me going might spur him on too). I go as often as I can, which is usually about once a week, he's been once since Christmas. I try to cook healthily and I'm slowly but steadily losing weight so don't think the diet I provide is the problem either. He just doesn't seem to have any self control when it comes to food. I go to bed quite early and its obvious that when I'm in bed he's eating all sorts, I buy little bags of cookies, little ice creams and yogurts and so on for my toddler and its not unusual for him to have 3 or 4 of these a night, ignore the fruit and low fat yogurts I get for us and leave nothing for my DC by the end of the week. I know when he's at work during the day he has bacon and egg sandwiches for breakfast and drinks sugary coffee all day, and on nights he eats the food I make for him and sometimes a takeaway as well. I'm constantly finding sweet wrappers and crisp packets in the car as well.
Our sex life is all but non existent, not because I don't want to sleep with him, I still do very much but he seems to have gone off sex totally and almost never shows me any affection at all these days.
He has multiple health problems that would also be improved by him losing weight. He's been asthmatic since he was a child and now wheezes almost constantly, he has high blood pressure which he was on medication for but stopped taking it last year (when I ask he doesn't have a reason why) and he's just been told he has high cholesterol to the point the doctor told him he's lucky he's in his 30s and not his 40s as he'd be at high risk of a heart attack. He complains of being tired all the time and last year was diagnosed as being borderline for sleep apnea and given a CPAP machine. He wore it for 2 nights and didn't like it so he took it back. I'm also pretty sure he's addicted to codeine, I've asked him so many times to stop taking it and he says he will then it's only a matter of time before I find a stash of empty packets somewhere. There's also a history of heart problems in his family.
We don't go anywhere, in part I think because he's embarrased by the way he looks. I also take my toddler to swimming lessons, but I'm starting a new job and can't go with him for at least the next month, so now he's not going at all because DH refuses to go in the pool, even with a T shirt on. I'd like to take both my DC swimming, but I can't by myself and he won't come.
I just don't know how to make him care enough to do something about it. We are financially dependant on him and I lay awake at night worrying about what will happen when this eventually kills him and how I'll tell my (potentially still small) children that their father is gone. I adore my husband and still love him as much as ever, he's a good man and a wonderful father but I'm so miserable with things as they are now that I'm starting to feel like getting out now would be a better option than staying and watching him kill himself.
Sorry this is so long, and I don't even know what I want from this really, but I don't have anyone to talk to about it and just wanted to get it out somewhere. Thanks to anyone who managed to get all the way through it.