Can a strong sense of chemistry be one-sided?

[mygiddyantelope]

NC'd for this as I am about to sound teenager-ish!

I know of course that love can be one-sided or unrequited, but what about very strong sense of chemistry and 'belonging together'? can a woman be completely delusional on that score? an experienced woman.

Have met a younger guy recently (seen him three times socially), and feeling absolutely magnetic with each other, I mean to me it seems mutual, especially the second meeting when we were not in a group (at a social place but doing our own thing and chatting together). Felt absolutely happy in his space and like floating (can't describe without sounding cringey). I wouldn't say the feeling was sexual per se (i.e. horny) but just a huge wave of loving feeling and attraction. Lots of prolonged eye contact which I loved. He didn't not look away. Not really flirting in silly way, it felt more openly happy.

Now the reason i'm confused...he looks socially like he's gay! Not camp in his manner and not very effeminate, but the way he talks is a bit camp and just the general impression, and he's not 'manly' but i often like the non-manly type.

Could he be bi-sexual? And if so how can I find out? I think he must assume I think he's gay so if I asked him out (if I'm deluded) it would be very disrespectful to ignore he was gay. We are very friendly but not friends, so can't just ask. I tried to get the non-verbal clues, and to me they are there as described. But he never so far asked for my contact details though he knows we may meet again in a few weeks most likely. He also could have invited me to come to his workplace disguised as social thing (my interest in art is related to his work) but so far didn't. Yes it's early days but the 'deluded' bells are ringing. How can I be THAT much wrong though?

I know I may be just going crazy! but the feeling is so natural, literally as magnetic as can be.

Any words of advice? sorry I know it comes across as ridiculous.

have you thought about finding him on FB and seeing if he's filled out the "interested in"?

Unfortunately you can have a massive chemistry feeling with a gay guy and even convince yourself he feels the same way- I had a friend who has this, they were best friends, totally on each others wavelength, she was sure the lingering looks were reciprocated, he was flirty- she confessed her love and he just backed right off as if nothing had ever happened. I was never sure if he did like her or whether it was all in her mind.

I think it is possible to have friend chemistry though where you kind of fall for a new friend, if they are very attractive - I have had this where you almost feel entranced by them, however it's not a sexual feeling when it comes down to it.

I don't think you can say he feels this too, there's something about him that triggers this, but I've seen too much unrequited love over the years to think it has to be two way and often people seem to delude themselves the other person feels the same way but there's some reason they can't act (e.g. think they are gay, has a wife, unsure about their feelings) whereas in real life, if people are available and have feelings, they usually act.

Cheers, exactly, the essence of true chemistry is that it's mutual, two people 'merge' together like compatible chemicals, hence the term! I really do feel it's a real chemistry, it's quite unusual and different from some of my previous 'fancying', but a very good point that chemistry can be non-sexual. I'm sure that he feels in non sexually towards me, but not sure if he feels also the sexual thin gtoo, that aspect may not be mutual. How to tell? Are you saying, Cheers, that I would have no doubt if it it was sexual mutually?

interesting point, Peace. I must say I only saw people on tv (Michael MacIntyre ?) who look camp but arent gay. Or David Walliams - they tend to be comedians! In rl I haevn't come across this especially if the guy isn't a jokey or theatrical type - this guy isn't either, but he is nice and sweet, he definitely talks in that 'acquired' gay style but isn't flamboyant.
talbot - are you a man? if you fancied someone and she thought you were gay (as you ar used to that) how would you behave to show interest?

I know hte obvious would be if he asked me out but I can tell he's generally quite shy and not an 'alpha' or a leader, I like it though.

Wild, to respond to your list of clues. Well we've only just met and had two very brief meetings and one longer where we spend more time together and it was the best, felt close and delirious happy. I sort of initiated the interaction and chat but he appeared very happy about it and if he wanted to, could have got away. Last time I was a bit disappointed, though this was a group event and hardly any time but he didn't initiate much eye contact or tried to chat me up iykwim, though when I asked a few things he was warm towards me and again standing very close etc, but he then had to rush off. Definitely not dropping any hints or demonstrating how happy he is to see me in front of everyone but he does look happy when we are chatting closely. He never asked any personal questions at all, I don't mean just about dating. He may be the type who likes to be led, but equally could be uninterested in more than friendship. I probably should do nothing though, rather than risk the likely rejection? leave it to him to make any steps? he's younger too. I think I need to cool down.

I'm always mystified how you are supposed to tell if someone is gay, straight or bi just by talking to them. I generally only pick up on someone's sexual preferences when they a) ask me out or b) introduce me to their partner.

I have also been asked out by women (I'm straight) so clearly I'm not the only one who can't tell. It wasn't any more difficult or embarrassing to turn them down than to do similar to a man I didn't want to go out with so OP, in your position, why not ask him?

Barbarian, well it's harder to tell with women especially with the feminine- looking ones, but many gay men tend to have certain camp-ness, mainly in the way they talk if they are not flamboyant otherwise. Unless they are macho types, I mean. He's definitely not macho.

You think I should ask him out rather than wait for him? it's a bit too early I feel, I have to see how it goes next time I see him, but I want to read the signals right to avoid rejection, ideally. If he wasn't interested I'd still like to be friends, so asking someone might put him off friendship. I really don't know!

'asking him out' not '...someone'.

Thenapoleon, much wisdom there in your post! yes, we have to be realistic and sceptical first of all. The example of your friend is exactly a situation I'm worried about, so do you say, best not to act, and let him act if he feels anything? Also yes, very possible to have friend chemistry - so true with sane gender exciting people, it may well be that actually, I think I'd be quite happy if at least that was reciprocated. Maybe instead of angst I should relaxed and take it for friend chemistry where you also enjoy the way they look, that's much less stressful for sure. Again yes to 'people act if available and interested' - sometimes the question is whether to act or let then act especially of both shy. I'm not really shy but he is, yet I'm not ready to initiate.

notanyone, might try but he's unlikely to declare that he's bisexual there tbf.