Trying to balance needs of asperger dh with those of dc

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My dh has (several professional friends think) undiagnosed aspergers. He refuses to admit/accept this or the fact he is depressed. He gets very stressed when the children (5 and nearly 2) make noise or mess - for example he got annoyed when the boys got sand on the patio this afternoon, panics when they've been splashing a lot in the bath. How do I manage his anxiety and let the kids be kids? Any advice for talking him down?

How shoukd he manage it ?
You cannot but he can.
however you can set your boundaries. Tell him the kids are having a bath and will splash. How does he want to deal with it ? Will he leave the house? How can he find a way to live with them being kids ?
If he cannot set ultimatum he goes to gp to discuss it or you have to r consider the relationship. Put the dc first they just being kids.

No contest for me.

If I have to put my H and my kids up against each other in competition...there can only be one outcome

And it won't be the grown adult

Have you considered he may just be a control freak. These types don't cope well with kids being kids. I know from experience of my STBXH.

Why are you the person responsible to "manage your DH's needs" or his anxiety? He is an adult, it is his responsibility to manage this.