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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

What would you do

15 replies

mamawitch · 13/03/2015 15:42

My cousin is getting married and has restricted her guest list to only inviting a few family members including myself but not my hubby. I have said I will go but my hubby is furious at the snub and he won't even discuss it he is very shallow at times and my family know this but I know of I plan to go he will do something to stop me or if I do actually go he will treat me like I have slept with another man! I know going is going to be trouble plus other family members are annoyed about me and my brother being invited and not them Aggghhh what would you do? The wedding is 4 hours drive away too so 2 nights away I reckon

OP posts:

pocketsaviour · 13/03/2015 15:45

Sounds like your H needs to pull up his big boy pants and just deal with it.

Is he usually very controlling of you?

TywysogesGymraeg · 13/03/2015 15:48

I think cousin is being U.

You can't invite one half of married couple and not the other.

Not sure how I feel about not inviting your siblings. It depends on how much of a family day it is. I think I think that if you invite one sibling you need to invite them all.

blueberrypie0112 · 13/03/2015 15:59

I think not inviting the husband would bother me more than not inviting siblings (as far as I am concern, they probably have really good reason not to invite them). What if they have a dance and I can't dance with my husband? It just don't seem fair to you in that position so i wouldn't go.

ThreeMoreDaysTillFriday · 13/03/2015 16:04

To be perfectly honest, in your position I wouldn't go out of principle.

Original poster

mamawitch · 13/03/2015 16:14

It's other auntie and uncles and cousins not invited he can be controlling at times yes.

OP posts:

hellsbellsmelons · 13/03/2015 16:17

There are so many red flags in your OP it's quite frightening.
Why are you putting up with someone who is controlling?
What else does he do? because I think this is just the tip of the iceberg!

ChipDip · 13/03/2015 16:17

I wouldn't go if someone disrespected my marriage by excluding my husband, thankfully I don't know people like that! However you seem very keen to go without your DH.

pocketsaviour · 13/03/2015 16:24

If your cousin has kept the guest list to purely family members, I don't think she's being unfair. It's her wedding and she gets to decide who she wants there.

If she has allowed other partners but not your H then is that because she knows he's an arsehole...

Original poster

mamawitch · 13/03/2015 16:35

Well to be honest he can get arsey with me when we are out when I am with a group of friends or family he gets funny if I am talking to others all the time and don't include him or he gets paranoid but he is quite childish at times like that. My parents know what he is like and have already stated they are worried he will end up just disappearing on the day I am due to go to the wedding leaving me with the kids so I can't go. To be honest right now he is threatening to go because we are skint and I gave my son 5 quid for his dinner and now hubby has no money for ciggies and I should be shouting at my son for it but instead I just had a quiet word, this often happens we fight over my eldest son a lot??

OP posts:

countessmarkyabitch · 13/03/2015 16:43

Maybe they haven't invited him because he's a twat and they don't like him.
Her certainly sounds like it.

Houseworkavoider · 13/03/2015 16:46

Why does he think you should shout at your ds?

blueberrypie0112 · 13/03/2015 16:47

He may be a twat, but I still think it is unfair to put her in this position because she is still in a relationship with him. BUT, OP, if you don't care if he stays or leave you...then go to that wedding (with your kids of course)

hellsbellsmelons · 13/03/2015 16:48

So him paying to slowly kill himself trumps your DS having a meal?!
WOW.
(and I smoke by the way)
Why should you be shouting at your son? This makes no sense to me at all.
How many kids do you have and how many are his?
He really does sound like a prize cock of the highest order.
I think it's time for a call to Womens Aid to understand what is going on here so you can try to get your head around it.
I think we can all see that this is not good but I'm not sure you can?

Original poster

mamawitch · 13/03/2015 17:20

Oh believe me I am only telling you a small part of it. He is a good man when he wants to be he is a good dad ( 2 are mine 2 are ours) but he can be selfish and also manipulative I can't even mention my ex's name and although my ex was an idiot he stopped him having a relationship with my sons because he felt threatened by him I suppose. He has been no angel at times and recently he became depressed and really kicked off kicking a table over and punching a door, things are ok if he has my attention as soon as I start to do my own thing he says I am being horrible when I really just have my own life too. I spend half my time wanting to be on my own but I work as a nurse 3 days a week and I have don't have masses of family support financially I will be in a worse position too. I just don't know what to do anymore but I am sick of it all

OP posts:

Duckdeamon · 13/03/2015 17:24

He is abusive and certainly not a good father. Good fathers don't treat their partners like this. Your family clearly dislike him, which isn't surprising. Financially worse off or not you would be well shot of him.

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