really need someone to talk to

[Marie1988]

I have recently found out my partner has been speaking to and getting close to a girl at work i confronted him about it and he wouldnt let me look through his phone to cut the story short we had an argument and he has now left and ignoring my calls and txts we have a 2yr old boy and im devastated he said nothing happened and the other woman is getting married, but i also found out he met her in town on a lads night out and he was on his phone all night,

He said he doesnt know what we are going to do and he doesnt want to talk yet im not sure what to do im so upset has anyone else had to go through this?

Well he obviously wouldn't show you his phone because he has something to hide!

I would send him a message not to come back until he is prepared to tell you the whole truth and in the meantime see a solicitor. Sorry. You deserve better.

How did you find out about your partner and this person, the lads night out etc? What was the argument specifically about? Because, from what you describe, his reaction is not that of man with a clean conscience.

I would suggest that you leave him be. Don't phone or text because that will give the impression that he has all the power. And I'm sorry you're upset but please resist the temptation to apologise or cave, just to get back to normal.

Do you have friends or family you can confide in?

Oh love, I'm sorry, he's been up to no good, that's clear, what exactly he's done is anyone's guess, but he's buying time to either...see what this other woman wants to do, or work out what to say to get himself out of the shit.

You need your friends/family around you, take some time, and yes, don't contact him.

I would bet something did happen, if he had nothing to hide, then he would show you his phone.

How did you find out he was getting close to his co-worker?

I second telling him not to come back until he was prepared to have a full and frank discussion. Or, better still, since he seems to want to call the shots on when this discussion is to happen, tell him to fuck off, get your shit together and start organising a life without him.

my friend told me as her partner was out with him that night, im at a total loss and i heard nothing from him at all yesterday it happened on sunday so on mon tues and weds he came round to put our little one to bed but since yesterday heard nothing and he hasnt txt to see how our boy is, he is living with his mum and his mum told me yesterday that he confided in her and said he had no friends and he doesnt talk to anyway that is the only thing he has said, he hasnt took any clothes with him and he has discussed our holiday with his mum as we are going away in june surely if it was over and he didnt want to be with me he would of already told me but he hasnt he said he just needs to sort his head out - whatever that means? i love this guy so much and we are engaged, i need to know where i stand so im not building up hope need to move on but i need answers it isnt fair, i have my family around me at the moment, this happened sunday then mon i was involved in a car crash then my car breaks down on me this morning i feel the world is against me at the moment and im really struggling to cope :(

he told me he had been messaging her but nothing has happened she is getting married soon this is all he has said and he is an honest person he tells the truth but im wondering whether he has fell for her not? either way my heart is aching thinking of him getting close to someone else :(

If he won't show you his phone, then he definitely has something to hide, sorry

Life seems to be ganging up on you right now. Were you okay after your car accident?

Do you have any close friends or family to support you?

Wow you've had a shit week. Try to keep calm. You can't control what he does next so get some good friends to help you out for a few days, do the best you can for your son, and when he's ready to talk about the future, take a deep breath and do it. In the meantime, talk it all over with someone who loves you and have a good think about whether you could see yourself forgiving him for cheating, or not. He's not the only one who needs to get his head straight. Good luck, you can do it.

I think you need to get a few things straight first

1. Is your partner ordinarily trustworthy or have you had problems before?
2. Is the person who told you trustworthy or might they have some kind of agenda?
3. His mum is always going to be biased in his favour, whatever the truth of the situation. Do don't include her in your personal problems or use her as mediator.
4. Whether or not he has 'fell for' someone else is less important than whether he is being honest with you and treating you with respect. Currently he is being secretive, defensive and has run off to mother....

thank you for all your replies, i really have had a bad week i feel like the world is against me at the minute everything is going wrong, i know he isnt seeing anyone else as he has been going back to his mums and going straight to sleep his MIL keeps me upto date and we are very close but im at my wits end trying to save our relationship, i know it will get easier but i just want my family back i want him to come home i hvent been grovelling as i dont want him to feel powerful over the situation and dont get me wrong i flipped out when he told me as would any woman so sunday night didnt end well as it was a bad argument. he said we will talk tues as i said tues is the only good day for me and he agreed to talk but im worried about what he will say i dont want to lose him he constantly works all the time and never takes me out cant remember the last time we had time on our own. but to me money isnt everything time with the family means more to me. he hasnt took his clothes or anything i think he is depressed, over tired and lonely. when he went out with his friends that was once in a year he hardly sees his friends as they dont have time for him as they work too.

No need to have that conversation on Tuesday when you're making all his excuses for him already.....

i need to know what is going on inside his head... im so confused i need to know

It's a distressing situation. You're faced with conflicting information - the friend of a friend says he was getting up close and personal, he says it was a few texts and nothing happened - but he's not handling it in an honest, mature or intelligent manner. So you're left with a lot of unanswered questions and that's why you're confused.

You have to stand tall here. You've done nothing wrong, you're in the dark and, rather than doing anything to particularly convince you that it was all above board he has scuttled off to hide.

So look after yourself, look after your son, take a walk, have a cup of coffee with friends... whatever you'd normally do .... and have a think about what you want for the future. This is not a one-man relationship where he is the only one who gets to decide if it's on or off. So don't wait for him to turn up and tell you how it's going to be. Have your own thoughts on that.

I don't think you are ever going to know what's going on in his head. I've been with a man like this. Life is a lot easier with a man with no deceptive thoughts and lies to get straight before he talks to you. Of course life with no one is easier than game-playing.

All you can so is base your beliefs in his actions. Not reassuring you, running to his mum's, abandoning his son... These are what you base your truth on.

Thank you guys i feel better just talking on here my friends don't really have alt of time to talk to me i feel better talking on here although my family are helping me i was going to confront him tonight but in bit sure it's a good idea or just wait until Tues so we've both had time to think? What would you guys do? X

I've just been for a walk down the canal to feed the ducks with the Lil one feel better after some air x

I suggest you wait. This is a serious thing and it deserves some thought. Your relationship is going to change from this point whether it carries on or not. Your trust in him has been damaged & he has shown a side to his personality that maybe you haven't seen before. You're not going to forget this

So it is not down to you to confront him now... you've already done that. It's his job to present the reason why you should trust him, preferably backed up with changes. He has to justify his place. For your part, you need to decide what kind of life you want and what kind of partnership you want, if any. Back to the same old same old where you don't spend any time as a couple? One where you are constantly on edge wondering who that last text message was from? ... Use the time you have now to work this out.

So sorry to hear this. Keep talking and these wise ladies will get you through x

Thanks ladies we have totally separated now and he is totally ignoring me i have a whole week off week and i am sorting out my entitlement to benefits at the moment and i am going to the housing office to move on with my life he had shown no remorse and in so many words he wants to be free to do what he wants is a very sad situation for me but i have to pick myself up and concentrate on my boy and to get out this house and have a fresh start he hasn't even messaged me back regarding the car seat as i need it he is totally ignoring me about little things when it comes to our child i totally give up caring.