Loyalty to son or being "adult"

[Thaigal]

Firstly I just want to say that with my boys I am trying to bring them up to trust me, knowing that they can tell me anything and that I can keep things confidential...this comes from being a child who couldnt tell her mum anything without it being family gossip within a few days!

Anyway, my son (7) has just been telling me that he really wants a particular toy for christmas, I know full well that his dad has got him it but not the 'version' that he's after so to try and soften the blow or whatever I said "yeah but they're all good so surely any of those things would be a cool present?" he said "yeah but I'd really like this one...."

So I told him he'd just have to wait and see and personally I think they're all 'cool'...he then said "well, S has told me that Dad has got me one, he peeked in his cupboard and saw it..."

S is their dad's step-son (girlfriends son) and he's 9...my son has sworn me to secrecy and begged me not to tell on S.

So, Do I do the adult thing and tell Ex that his step son has found the "christmas stash" or do I stay loyal to my son and keep his secret?

Hi, That's a hard one. I would say that you should tell your ex about his step-son but you do not want to break you son's confidence. However you do not want your son to be in a situation where he may get bullied by his older step brother. I think you should explain to your son that you must tell his father about his step-son discovering the presents. You need to explain to him that he can trust you but that sometimes secrets like that need to come out into the open. It's like you were to go for counselling, they would say that everything you say is confidential unless your counsellor feels that something you say is harmful to yourself or others. In this case the secret is harmful to your son, as it has spoilt the surprise of his gift and it is setting a president for the older boy to manipulate your son.
In short, tell your son that you HAVE to disclose the secret, explain why, tell him and show him that he can still trust you no matter what, then tell his father.

Keep his secret!

Why do you need to tell your Ex? Not sure if your DS realises that it is not the version he wants that his dad has got him but you can tell your ex that your son has been going on about it and you have realised the version he really wants is not the one he has got him - up to him then what he does about it (if anything). As for his stepson he will have to learn in his own way that sometimes it is better not to know and keep things a surprise.

I found the Christmas stash when I was 9 and my guilty secret plagued me for weeks, I had to do a really good acting job on Xmas day and I never looked again. No-one ever knew.

keep his secret.

if you can't trust your mum or dad, whom can you trust?