should I divorce him?

[kikki]

I have been marriaged for 4 1/2 years and have a 3 1/2 year old little boy. I met my husband four months after my mother died ( I am the daughter of a single mother and an only child), we were very close. I became pregnant and married him because i did not want to be a single parent and he was from Jamaica and could not legally stay in the UK unless he got married. We were very happy at first and he enjoyed spending all of my interitence(over 100K). When the money ran out (I very foolishly put it all in his bank account and he invested it in himself and failed business's).
After 2 years he left me for another woman, to this day he deny's living with. I still love him deeply and do not want my son to grow up without his father like I did. After our son was born he became violent to me and I have had to live in a refuge twice because of him. I come from a good home and had a good job and was very successful before I met him. He has systematically taken everything from me and all I have left is our son(my only reason for living). In January of this year (2years after living somewhere else with someone else) he moved back into the family home. He stayed with us for 3 three months (running up bills) although every weekend he would go up to Nottingham (where she lives) as he lied and managed to get himself a council flat from Nottingham council, despite not being homeless, saying that he needed to check on his flat. I often asked why I couldn't visit only to be told that he wasn't ready,stop nagging him etc.
It now transpires that she had left him and he was going up begging her to come back(something he denies). On March 28th 2006 I found a text message on his phone from her saying - the flight is booked. I asked him and got beaten up -in front of witnesses and the police were called. I was left bleeding and with ripped clothing and he told the police I had done this to myself. They believed him and left saying that i was wasting their time. He said he was going to Notts to cool off and he would be back in the morning. Next thing I knew he was on a plane to Jamaica with her. All his life he has never had a toilet, merely a hole in the ground. I paid for his mother to have a fully equipped bathroom with Shower, toilet and bath. He has two children from a previous relationship in Jamaica and I paid for their education, passports and food for over 3 years. They were going to come to England and live with us as a family as their own mother has no interest in them and they live with his mother. Can you imagine how wounded I felt when he casually took this woman over to meet his kids and family?
My husband has a mild interest in our son but happily goes for months on end with out seeing him. I have only recently approached the CSA as he has made no contribution to his welfare.
Recently I have made an extensive effort to have a better relationship with him and get past all the hurt for the sake of our son, only to find out that he is no longer with the nottingham girl(he now lives in Essex) and she is pregnant with his child. She told me that he has told him that she will only take him back if he divorces me. She fails to see why I think she is poisonous and has detroyed my marriage and taken my son's father away. She has parents and brothers around her to support her (and my husband). I have no one in this world apart from my son). I have no parents, no siblings and no close friends. Despite all of this i still keep it together for my son's sake. i can only cope with things when i have no communication with him whatsoever. With out me he would not be able to live and work in this country but now he has tricked the home office he is allowed to stay here forever regardless of how he behaves towards me or his child.
I don't know if I still love him because I do not have any one else. I know he is really a nasty piece of work but I just can't get over it. There is nothing i can do. It makes no difference to his status if I divorce him. I will never retrieve any of the money he has taken from me. He is free to bring his children here from Jamaica despite leaving two women in the UK to be lone parents. None of this seems fair. I don't know what to do or what to believe anymore. He has me hanging by a string and I cannot see any way out of this misery. The few friends I has are tired of me being depressed and sad and one of them told me I was boring and no fun any more and never go out. This man walked out of my life, forcing me to quit my job as he used to collect out son from nursery and i could not afford to find someone else to do this on the salary i a had. I have no one to look after my son or no money to have a social life and I just don't know how to do any better. I guess I am asking should I get a divorce because I don't see how that would change my situation for the better in any way.





I have been marriaged for 4 1/2 years and have a 3 1/2 year old little boy. I met my husband four months after my mother died ( I am the daughter of a single mother and an only child), we were very close. I became pregnant and married him because i did not want to be a single parent and he was from Jamaica and could not legally stay in the UK unless he got married. We were very happy at first and he enjoyed spending all of my interitence(over 100K). When the money ran out (I very foolishly put it all in his bank account and he invested it in himself and failed business's).
After 2 years he left me for another woman, to this day he deny's living with. I still love him deeply and do not want my son to grow up without his father like I did. After our son was born he became violent to me and I have had to live in a refuge twice because of him. I come from a good home and had a good job and was very successful before I met him. He has systematically taken everything from me and all I have left is our son(my only reason for living). In January of this year (2years after living somewhere else with someone else) he moved back into the family home. He stayed with us for 3 three months (running up bills) although every weekend he would go up to Nottingham (where she lives) as he lied and managed to get himself a council flat from Nottingham council, despite not being homeless, saying that he needed to check on his flat. I often asked why I couldn't visit only to be told that he wasn't ready,stop nagging him etc.
It now transpires that she had left him and he was going up begging her to come back(something he denies). On March 28th 2006 I found a text message on his phone from her saying - the flight is booked. I asked him and got beaten up -in front of witnesses and the police were called. I was left bleeding and with ripped clothing and he told the police I had done this to myself. They believed him and left saying that i was wasting their time. He said he was going to Notts to cool off and he would be back in the morning. Next thing I knew he was on a plane to Jamaica with her. All his life he has never had a toilet, merely a hole in the ground. I paid for his mother to have a fully equipped bathroom with Shower, toilet and bath. He has two children from a previous relationship in Jamaica and I paid for their education, passports and food for over 3 years. They were going to come to England and live with us as a family as their own mother has no interest in them and they live with his mother. Can you imagine how wounded I felt when he casually took this woman over to meet his kids and family?
My husband has a mild interest in our son but happily goes for months on end with out seeing him. I have only recently approached the CSA as he has made no contribution to his welfare.
Recently I have made an extensive effort to have a better relationship with him and get past all the hurt for the sake of our son, only to find out that he is no longer with the nottingham girl(he now lives in Essex) and she is pregnant with his child. She told me that he has told him that she will only take him back if he divorces me. She fails to see why I think she is poisonous and has detroyed my marriage and taken my son's father away. She has parents and brothers around her to support her (and my husband). I have no one in this world apart from my son). I have no parents, no siblings and no close friends. Despite all of this i still keep it together for my son's sake. i can only cope with things when i have no communication with him whatsoever. With out me he would not be able to live and work in this country but now he has tricked the home office he is allowed to stay here forever regardless of how he behaves towards me or his child.
I don't know if I still love him because I do not have any one else. I know he is really a nasty piece of work but I just can't get over it. There is nothing i can do. It makes no difference to his status if I divorce him. I will never retrieve any of the money he has taken from me. He is free to bring his children here from Jamaica despite leaving two women in the UK to be lone parents. None of this seems fair. I don't know what to do or what to believe anymore. He has me hanging by a string and I cannot see any way out of this misery. The few friends I has are tired of me being depressed and sad and one of them told me I was boring and no fun any more and never go out. This man walked out of my life, forcing me to quit my job as he used to collect out son from nursery and i could not afford to find someone else to do this on the salary i a had. I have no one to look after my son or no money to have a social life and I just don't know how to do any better. I guess I am asking should I get a divorce because I don't see how that would change my situation for the better in any way.

[kikki]

I guess you take the problems with you wherever you go. Just guess London can be a very lonely place. I have lived here for twelve years now and I still hardly know anyone!

[KatyG2112]

it's time to move on to someone else. It's not healthy for you or your child to stay together for their sake. If you're looking for additional help on this sort of topic, I suggest you visit - www.shouldidivorcehim.com. I have found it to be quite helpful!