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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

How can I help my friend?

4 replies

LaDIEDaDIE · 27/10/2006 17:54

About 14 months ago my friend of many years was dumped by her partner after 10 years together. Since then she has been single and seems to be getting increasingly down about it.

She has had one one-night stand with a bloke who was over visiting from Ireland and apart from that has had no luck with meeting nice men.

She is 29, 5,10" tall and slim with long blonde hair so in theory she should have no trouble but that's not how it works out.

We, me and her other 2 closest friends, feel that she can come across as a bit aloof and unapproachable and she says that she is aware of that and trying to work on it. Sometimes we also feel that she is quite particular about the sort of man that she wants and rejects people on first impressions or because they don't immediately tick all of the right boxes in her mind. We have suggested speed dating and internet dating but she seems to think that these have a stigma attached despite us explaining that they are really popular ways of having a fun night out, meeting people and making friends. We are desparately concerned that she is getting depressed, esp after she saw her ex looking in a jewellers window with his new girlfriend.

What can we do to cheer her up and help her to meet people?

OP posts:
divastrop · 27/10/2006 20:52

this might sound like something out of a teen girls mag advice page...but the old one of trying to meet new friends rather than actively looking for a relationship has always worked for me.that way there is no pressure,if you are just viewing it as a bit of fun,meeting new people etc.
i met my dp on a wap chat site.i wasnt looking for love,i just went on there to chat to men and women as friends when i had nothing to do of an evening.if i had been looking for a relationship i would never have agreed to meet up with dp as he's 6 years younger than me.but he lived locally and i figured you can never have too many friends....

LaDIEDaDIE · 27/10/2006 23:30

We have suggested that to her but she is an extremely private person, for example she didn't tell any of us that she had split up with her ex until a week had passed and we are her best friends.

I will see her next week and I think that I'm going to suggest an evening class to her again, just as a way of getting out of the house in the evenings. She does go to the gym but just goes to her mainly women step class and then leaves.

I don't know how to broach with her what her underlying reasons for being so unwilling to meet more people in a broad sense, ie develop more interests and widen her social circle, without it seeming like I'm perhaps pushing her away. I hate to think of her being lonely but also wonder why some of her behaviour/attitudes is quite isolating.

OP posts:
cece · 27/10/2006 23:41

If she is depressed then maybe she should go and see her GP.

divastrop · 28/10/2006 11:41

10 years is a long time,maybe she isnt over her ex yet?if thats the case then evening classes etc would probably be her best bet,rather than looking for a new man.

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