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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Mother meltdown!

15 replies

Miriam2 · 26/04/2004 14:19

Probably not looking for advice or even cyberhugs but feeling bad today after horrible scene with my mother yesterday. Dh and I went away FOR ONE NIGHT on Saturday, mum was staying over -quite willingly- to look after ds and dd. Came home yesterday to WW3- mum calling ds all kinds of names saying he'd been unhelpful and disrespectful, she had even slapped him across the face, which makes my blood boil. Even dd, who is younger and usually quite oblivious, said gran had been mean to ds. I tried to be calm at first -after all, I know he can be trying but for goodness sake, how could she completely lose it in such a short time? I feel guilty that I even asked her now because the last few times I've seen her she's been showing favouritism to dd (who is apparently 'easier' Poor ds feeling bad today as he thinks it's all his fault but I've tried to explain that she is the adult and that even if he was a bit naughty, she should have dealt with it better.She went off in a major huff last night and I've no idea what will happen now. Dh furious too. The irony is we had a fab night away!!!

OP posts:
Original poster
Miriam2 · 26/04/2004 14:20

Sorry don't know how the smiley got in there!(irate typing!)

OP posts:
twiglett · 26/04/2004 15:24

message withdrawn

Blu · 26/04/2004 15:26

Miriam, this sounds horrible - how old is your DS? I think it is outrageous that she slapped him across the face. Unless she has woken up this morning horrified at herself, and rung you to apologise, you are probably not going to get another night away for a while!
Sorry - it all sounds most distressing.

tigermoth · 26/04/2004 15:26

miriam, your mum was totally out of order - hugs! ( must dash now)

motherinferior · 26/04/2004 15:41

She was horrible. I'm so sorry.

eddm · 26/04/2004 15:43

That's shocking! Did she mention anything he'd one in particular that wound her up? Has she looked after your ds and dd for any length of time before?
Sounds as if your mother has just forgotten what it's like to look after kids, or has unrealistic expecations of behaviour, as well as showing favouritism. I'd be very angry in your shoes. Sounds as if you are doing all the right things by reassuring ds though.

marialuisa · 26/04/2004 15:43

Sounds as if your mum has some anger management issues...

chrissey14 · 26/04/2004 15:46

o no

theres,s no excuse it,s our own responsibilty as adults to show restriant during frustrating times

aloha · 26/04/2004 15:46

Agree with everyone else. Utterly outrageous behaviour. How could he slap him like that. I'm shocked. I think you are right to tell your son that physical violence is wrong and to reassure him. Scary.

Original poster
Miriam2 · 26/04/2004 16:26

Thanks for all your words of support. I feel so bad for ds (he's 11) -as far as I can gather all the things she didn't approve of were trivial but seems like they built up in her mind out of all proportion till he could do nothing right. It's ruined their relationship and I'm still fuming. I think you're right about the anger management,marialuisa, when she gets riled, she tends to lash out, throw things- not often and never with the kids before. I certainly won't leave them alone together again.

OP posts:
Blu · 26/04/2004 16:36

Whatever happens next with your mother, I think you are right NEVER to leave her alone with your children again - what a very sad situation.
Horrible, horrible, horrible. Do you think she will contact you? I do think she owes an apology to your DS, (and you and your dh) but it doesn't sound as if that is her style.

Original poster
Miriam2 · 26/04/2004 16:44

I think she is stressed about various things in her life now and can't cope with any minor upset whatsoever. Her 'babysitting' is fairly rare (non-existant now) - I actually foolishly thought she'd get something out of it, having some quality time with the kids. Oh well it'll add to her stress now, having blotted her copybook with me bigtime.

OP posts:
Blu · 26/04/2004 16:59

Sounds as if you are being very sturdy and stanch about this, Miriam - well done!

toddlerbob · 26/04/2004 20:30

Totally unreasonable to slap your ds. It sounds as if she took the oppotunity to release all her pent up frustration on an 11 year old, which is just not on. Glad you had a good night away though.

kiwisbird · 26/04/2004 20:34

No I would be LIVID
my mother once slapped my divine little 4 yr old DS across the face, he meant to lick his finger and dip it into the sugar bowl, by mistake and be byeing excited he spat into the sugar bowl
She slapped him. HARD
I slapped and punched her
HARD...

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