At the end of my tether

[Denisedenise]

I feel like a bitch because I love DP and he would do anything for me. He puts up with my monthly mood swings, my moans etc and very rarely moans at me. He treats me well too. But I am sick fed up of having to ask him to do things. I feel he is so laid back that until asked he won't use his own head. It is so infuriating.
Am I being harsh? I have good man that loves me but it just nuggles away at me that I have to point out absolutely everything that needs done?? It doesn't help that I am 12 weeks pregnant and really hormonal!

If you have to treat this man like a child, I would question whether indeed he really actually treats you well?

Does he pull his weight at home? Act like you are a partnership?

Because if not that needs to change before the baby arrives.

Oh he does a lot around the house and when asked to be fair but I just wish he didn't need to be asked, things like getting the car fixed, check oil, water etc. get petrol for lawnmower. I feel I have to think of everything it's mind draining!!

i can think of a couple of things, your moods/his job is taking up so much space in his head he can't juggle extra responsibility? It's a PA way of showing his anger? He thinks your the mum your the wife this stuff is your responsibility? This stuff is just really not important to him? He is just seriously forgetful?

You mention your moods, moans and hormones. I wonder if he's worried about doing something wrong so avoids it?

It's a classic passive aggressive technique for making you responsible for everything

If you're just expecting someone to know what you want them to do purely on their own initiative I think you can end up very frustrated. Also, being 'moody and moaning' is terrible behaviour and can be intimidating enough that others become reluctant to do anything without instruction for fear of getting it wrong..... vicious circle.... so suggest you make a bigger effort whatever time of the month it is.

Otherwise, sit down together as a team, talk about things that need to be done, draw up schedules, make charts, pin reminders on fridges or programme alerts in smart phones.... whatever it takes.

no wonder you're moody if you have to be 'mother' all the time!

Needing to be managed and not working to their own initiative is often held up as being passive aggressive husband behaviour and not that some people just need to be managed and some like to manage.

My DH needs to be managed regarding much of the household stuff, as do I regarding much of other things in life that he understands and excels at that I simply don't see!

Luckily, we both appreciate that we both have our strengths and weaknesses and these slot together to form a great team in life.

The key to knowing the difference between the usual passive aggressive observation of such people or whether it's nit is how they response to your management. If they take the management and don't resent it or react badly then fine, if they don't then beware and be on your guard as you might have deeper problems that will surface in future.

Sit down together and draw up a list of your responsibilities and DHs responsibilities. Then stick to them. Don't waste your life being angry at someone else's lack of intitative (voice of experience emoticom).