Dating Profile?

[Longdistancenerves]

My friend has had issues and recently found her fella had a dating profile despite then being together. To prove to her not all men are like that I googled DPs old dating profile name and a profile appeared, recently updated as it mentions lent this year. This profile was not there 3 days ago when I googled it out of my own curiosity (hence why I was so confident to show my friend!)

I texted him (no answer on mobile and we live two hours apart) and he replied he'd been writing to an old friend he used to know and the profile was on the way down- it vanished within minutes. I asked about us and he said nothing has changed and he's sorry he upset me. He said he still likes me, and he said sorry over and over. Wishes I'd not googled as I've now damaged my trust in him (I was cheated on in previous relationship so trust is low).

What do I do? Could he be genuine? I am hoping to see him at the weekend as planned to see what is what in person, but am I foolish to trust him?

We are exclusive, he refers to me as his girlfriend. We see each there fortnightly because that's all circumstances allow- jobs, my child, neither of us drive.

I'm so frightened. I just want somebody to tell me it'll be ok.

Regardless of how this pans out, YOU will be ok.

If he's looking online at other women then it's best to know. Try not to over think it until you talk to him, but please don't let the success of this relationship define whether or not you are 'ok'.

Just because he tells you that you are exclusive doesn't mean he is telling the truth does it?

I don't believe him sorry. And having a faith doesn't make you an honest person.

Well, you may be one of his girlfriends, but I'm afraid it looks like he's wanting to add more. I definitely wouldn't believe his bullshit excuse, that's transparently rubbish. If he's told you that it's exclusive then I'd probably bin him off, sorry

I was single for 3 years before this, bringing up my son on my own and I genuinely thought I'd found somebody who loved me and wanted to be with me. He's always asking after my little boy when we aren't together, tells me he's looking forward to seeing me.
He waited 6 months before we started sleeping together as he said it wouldn't be proper for us to not be entirely sure about each other, he prides himself on only having slept with 2 women (the second being me), and as I said, his faith kind of ties into that.
It's just so confusing, I can't determine whether it is bullshit or if he's just a thoughtless idiot bloke.

Sorry this is causing you such anguish.

Maybe it would help to go into your chat with him with a plan such as:

Hear his side of things, ask whatever questions come to mind, explain how you have been feeling, then have some space. You could chat over the conversation with the friends you mentioned previously and\or come back on here.

No rush and no rash decisions based on emotions. That way you can be sure (as best you can) that your previous hurt is not skewing your judgment.

But he's going to need to come out with a lot more than 'contacting a friend' because as others have said, why would you only have details for a friend via a dating website.

Oddly enough when it was online dating I was chatting to a guy who I didn't want to date but struck up a friendship with and he lost his phone. Got a new one but literally the only way we could get back in contact was via the old website. So I know that it is a tiny tiny possibility that a friend would be on the site but it's the updating that's confused and upset me.

He said nothing has changed between us and he didn't mean to upset me. And he took down the profile within minutes of me asking about it, and it has remained gone. Maybe genuinely sorry? clutching at straws

My friends dating profile was still up 2 years after asking to have it taken down. she no longer paid subscription fee, BUT not been updated, so would concern me

Yes, maybe.

But you tying yourself in knots going over the information that you have won't ever reach a conclusion. He is the only one with an answer to your questions so try and hold it together until you talk face to face.

Be prepared to be disappointed though. That's not to say you should assume he's done wrong, do wait and see what he says.

What possible reason could he have for updating it? It's not a CV where updating regularly is good practice regardless of job hunting or not.

If he just went on the dating site to chat to a friend, why did he update his profile? Also if it's POF I still think you can send messages whilst your profile is hidden.

It might be innocent, but the updating of his profile and the saying he still likes me elements would put doubts in my mind.

The trouble is - even if he swears blind he is being honest, you will never know will you. There will always be that niggle. And if he lies about this, what else is not the truth? But yes, you can clutch at straws and justify anything if you want to believe it enough. Doesn't make him trustworthy though does it

I'm ever so sorry to hear what you're going through here but you're kidding yourself if you think he's innocent. Just because someone comes across as nice doesn't mean they are. I wouldn't waste my time even meeting him again. If the profile hadn't been updated then maybe you could give him the benefit of the doubt. But what kind of friend can only be contacted on a dating site? If it's pof then you don't even need to have a visible profile (as someone already mentioned). Do yourself a favour and don't waste any more of your life on him.

Oh OP, you are so desperate to make excuses for him . I'm sure that you want to believe that your trust in this man is justified...but his actions show you otherwise. How much can you really know someone after only 8 month of meeting every two weeks? You know of him what he wants you to see.

There is no 'type to cheat' either, I always thought my ex was a bit too boring to cheat, never really knew how to talk to women...but it didn't stop him messaging them online, where he built up quite the seedy profile for himself - a world away from the shy, introverted person I knew him to be. In fact, I often think its those 'boring' types who seek out the ego boost of other women to prop themselves up.

Using someone's faith as a determinant of moral character is risky at best. I'm glad that your faith is important for you, however that does not mean that everyone else who is religious upholds the same moral character. People are people, and there are nice people and selfish people and untrustworthy people of any and all faiths. Such is life.

You sound so terrified of this not working out? Why? You have been on your own before, you and your son will be fine without this man.

Please don't lower your standards to assimilate his shitty behaviour. Do yourself a favour and don't accept anything less than you deserve.

I suppose because having been so careful for those three years (where I turned people down because it didn't feel right so I stayed single) I was so sure. I've fallen for him in a big way and there has been talk of him moving when his lease expires this august to be closer to me/move in. I suppose I'm worried I have got it terribly wrong, frightened it'll be history repeating itself.

He really wants to see me over the weekend so I'm going to plan very carefully what I'm going to say and ask, and ensure I look amazing for if I do have to walk out- i won't be the simpering mess I was when my ex and I split (8 years, child and cancelled wedding so was a bit raw!)