I am a regular but have name changed for this.
Please bear with me as this is long and the background is important.
DH and I have been together 13 years and married for 7. We have DC aged 2. Our relationship started becoming strained just after DC was conceived. We had a disagreement over a matter and he decided to go with his mum's advice. I didn't agree with this but mil has the last word so he was hell bent on doing as she said. I voiced my disagreement which resulted in a big row and he hit me repeatedly. I'm ashamed to say I didn't leave at that point and after a few days we carried on as normal. After DC was born he wanted us to stay with mil for a few days. I agreed, although when I suggested I stay at my mum's he wouldn't discuss this as he felt like his family would be left out. When at Mil's I hardly got any rest as felt immense pressure to sit with his family. I also did everything myself and got no help with dc. DH was also useless and although he said he would take a week off after the birth, mil sent him to work (BIL' business). He didn't discuss this with me at all. I was hormonal and also sore with stitches. Had problems bf so DC was ff, which I was doing all myself. I was relieved to be out of there a week later and insisted on going to my mums, where I got plenty of rest. We came home a week later when DC was 2 weeks old. In the morning DH informed me that his family (around 20 people) would be coming in the afternoon and what snacks would I be making for them. I refused to make anything considering I was completely shattered. He instead bought some snacks which I spent the day frying and serving to his family members who all arrived separately with their own spouses and DC. I was exhausted in the evening so when my family came round my mum and sister insisted they stay with me for a few days or I go with them. I decided to go with them as I couldn't wait to get away.
I do all the housework, including the cooking. I work part time and sort DC out in the morning and drop off at my mums who looks after DC when I am at work. I collect DC in afternoon and go home, get stuff done. I also mostly do bath time as DH just moans if he's asked to and also put DC to bed. I am now completely exhausted by this, while DH breezes in from work and sits on his backside. He doesn't even clear the table after eating and simply walkes away after he's finished. He's not interested in spending time with us unless asked and even then suggests we go to see mil on the way out. He's never fed Dc unless I've insisted and even then makes excuses that his hands are dirty and need proper cleaning. He will happily sit at Mil's or speak to her on the phone, which is how he spends more of his time. When we are there with him he completely ignores me. I must point out that I don't like mil due to the work issue and how I feel she ruined the first week of DC being born but she wouldn't eve even know this as I am always civil to her, though try to avoid her as much as possible.
Each time I bring issues up he twists things and says I'm a stress head, mental case and need a psychiatrist.
Today I just lost it with him and ended up swearing and screaming at him. I had an important meeting and he agreed to drive me there and then spend some time with DC. We had to leave half an hour before the meeting and he sent me a message asking what time he should be home. I pointed out that we had already agreed this. He then sent a couple of other messages and I realised he had no intention of coming with me. I had to cancel the meeting as there was no way I could have arranged child care immediately. He did this because last night he was whining because I didn't make dinner. He couldn't decide what he wanted and I am so sick of organizing and planning meals so refused to help him out. I took DC to see my dsis and we had dinner there so clearly this enraged him and instead of making anything he got himself a takeaway.
We are now not speaking at all. I am sick of my situation and don't know what to do. I know that if I tell my parents they will insist that I move to theirs with dc. I couldn't afford the mortgage anyway but really not sure where to go from here. I have no respect left for this mother's boy and certainly don't love him anymore. DC will definitely not lose out and although will ask about daddy I don't think there will be any lasting damage.
I know I need to get out and have known that for a while but the stupid thing is every time I come to this point I sort of freeze and then do nothing but this really can't go on.
Please somebody help me to see things clearly