So I'm finally (after years of being here, a fair few threads and a lot of handholding) getting out of my EA/FA/PA relationship. I'm doing my best to keep going but I've reached the point where I can't see any light at the end of the tunnel and I'm so tired I can barely get up in the morning.
The house is being sold although we're all still living in it. I know ideally he should be out but frankly he does little enough for DC as it is, he can at least be here some of the time and help out (somewhat reluctantly) with keeping the house tidy for viewings etc. He's playing a victim role and WANTS me to tell him to leave so he can play on it with mutual friends. We sleep apart. DC is young so hasn't been told and generally we manage to at least hold a decent conversation with DC in the room.
We're seeing a mediator, who has helped a bit. I've seen my own solicitor, who is fab. The split of the assets is a tricky bit (he is very financially controlling) and I'm going to have to tackle it more head on as with the split being 50:50 at the moment he'll have a lot more money from the house sale to play with than I will. He's also told me he's going to be going 'travelling' but hasn't elaborated. His subtle (and not so subtle) digs at me - like not emptying the dishwasher for example so I have to, are coming thick and fast and every day.
I'm just so so tired. I feel bored and pent up with nervous energy at the same time. I have an element of learned helplessness about my behaviour that I'm trying to get to grips with. I feel permanently in a fight-or-flight mode.
I know it's only a matter of time before this is all over but I keep waiting to hit rock bottom and instead its just a downwards spiral. For DC's sake I'm doing my best to keep going.
Add a big change at work leaving me with a new line manager who is eerily similar to my STBEX and I don't feel safe anywhere. I'm seeing my GP every few weeks and he keeps trying to sign me off with stress, which I've refused. It won't help at home and will make things worse with work.
I've told my closest family but they're not interested (and live too far away). I married a man like my Dad and my Mum has always excused him (and my husband) so they won't be of much help anyway. I have two close friends who know what's going on but I don't want to overburden them. I'm already aware that all I talk about is what's going on at home or at work.
I think he's stalking me on here but I will not change my name and be silenced.
Surely things will get better soon? 