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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Problems with work colleague

4 replies

sonjadog · 10/03/2015 18:13

I have a problem with someone at work. His position is directly above mine and I have to work with him.

We used to be good friends, very close. I had feelings for him for a while which he knew about but they have been gone for a few years now. I have told him that the feelings aren't there any more, but I suspect he doesn't quite believe me. He is very self-centred. Extremely so.

We don't get on well at work and it has hugely corroded and has as good as ended our friendship. I find him lazy and incompetent and he finds me controlling and nagging. We have fought a lot at work. He has been nasty to me in periods and very aggressive in tone. I find him very critical of my work.

About six weeks ago we had a talk and agreed that we would draw a line over the past and move on. The friendship was over and we would be colleagues only and would behave pleasantly and friendly towards each other. Since then I have tried to keep a professional front. He had been very moody. Some days he has been fine, others he has refused to answer me when I speak or been aggressive in tone. I feel he is trying to freeze me out of the social side of work.

Today he shouted at me and used the word "fuck" several times. This is not the first time this has happened. Before I have talked to him and we have moved on as we were friends and I felt this was right. But now we are not friends officially and I wouldn't accept anyone else at work speaking to me like that.

So do I report him or not? I am sad about this as we were once close and I miss that. I want things to be good again. At the same time, his current attitude is wearing me down.

OP posts:
Joysmum · 10/03/2015 18:19

I would make an unofficial approach to HR to advise of the problem and ask for advice on how to resolve things bwfore you make a formal complaint.

cozietoesie · 10/03/2015 18:20

That behaviour is not acceptable in a colleague - but are you in a position to disclose everything about your relationship? I've been where you are and it may be necessary.

sonjadog · 10/03/2015 18:38

I'm not keen to disclosure everything. He will certainly see it is a betrayal if I do. I will do it if I have to. That is one of the things that has stopped me before and makes me uncertain now.

OP posts:
CupidStuntSurvivor · 10/03/2015 18:53

I'd report it. Probably directly with his manager first with a warning that the next time it happens, you'll get HR involved. The fact that you were previously more than colleagues doesn't factor into it at all...in the work place, he should be professional.

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