I need to make a decision but scared of implications

[Winniethewylde]

I've posted here before, I know, and had some great advice but I now feel like I'm in no mans land. I need to come to some sort of decision but I'm scared.

My marriage is a sham. No sex, no affection, but no arguments (at the moment) just 2 people, plus 2 kids, living together, getting on like friends but that's it. I can't do this forever but have no desire to make it better as I feel like I don't love him anymore. Lack of support at key times affected my self worth, self esteem and ultimately my love for him.

My heart says leave but I'm petrified of being judged, of giving up and of hurting the children. I'm currently having counselling to try to help me with my anger, my resentment and my self esteem. It's helping me and I feel happier in myself but making me doubt my marriage even more.

Shit, I'm lost. This is rambling. Apologies. Think I'm just looking for someone to tell me it's going to be ok.

Thankyou for this thread. I'm also having marital issues and have even had to ask DH if he still loved me as I'd stopped believing it. I find myself thinking a lot about how things are with us and whether I still love him, but reading this thread makes me more certain I don't want to leave him. I do love him, but not the way things are between us sometimes or how he can be with the kids. I'm sorHarrah gate crash, but does anyone have advice for me? I'm not sure how to broach the subject with him, he can be a bit shitty sometimes and more often than not doesn't seem happy. I'm still not convinced he's happy here or that he loves me, though when I asked him he reassured me he does. But I know I need to have an honest go at making this work.

Sorry that back through and it was such a self-absorbed post! I do relate a lot to what you've said though, including being differ when he's not around. I'm just sorry I don't have any advice for you.

In your case killthewiseone I think you have to be a lot stronger. You say you don't want to leave him which is fair enough ... but.... by ruling it out you get rid of your ultimate sanction. You're saying that, however shitty or unhappy or dissatisfied he is, you'll always be here. That's a quick way to get taken for granted.

If your sole definition of 'making it work' is that you stay together, you won't change anything.

I do think, if it came down to it, I would leave him. I feel as though over the past few months I've been mentally preparing myself for the possibility. But I don't want to.

I don't particularly like or want dental treatment but sometimes I have to put that aside in order to avoid ending up in a lot of pain....

Life's a bitch

This older thread is relevant to me just now.

Agree with ^Winniethewylde Tue 10-Mar-15 15:55:01
"It's all so overwhelming. I have been to CAB but all they did was gave me a list of websites, after having queued up for 2 hours, very frustrating as I thought they might offer more support in my naivety."^

CAB were poor with me today. As was social services, who initially seemed supportive, but kept asking about alcohol and substances, and as neither relevant, said they could not approach my wife. Guess what - another list of websites and other contacts to pass the buck.

My heart says leave but I can't leave the kids in her care. Catch 22.

This older thread is relevant to me just now.

Agree with ^Winniethewylde Tue 10-Mar-15 15:55:01
"It's all so overwhelming. I have been to CAB but all they did was gave me a list of websites, after having queued up for 2 hours, very frustrating as I thought they might offer more support in my naivety."^

CAB were poor with me today. As was social services, who initially seemed supportive, but kept asking about alcohol and substances, and as neither relevant, said they could not approach my wife. Guess what - another list of websites and other contacts to pass the buck.

My heart says leave but I can't leave the kids in her care. Catch 22.

ZOMBIE THREAD ALERT

Start your own thread, Tricky, and you'll receive considered reponses for your specific problem(s).

Fwiw, CAB are only as good as whoever's on duty at any given time and without knowing why you approached them it's not possible to suggest different avenues for you to try.