How did you tell people you were getting divorced?

[HenriettaBarnet]

So, H has agree to move out and I am in the process of sorting out the divorce petition.

If you've gone through this, I wondered how you told people (like work colleagues, mums at the school gate etc rather than close friends) that your marriage was over and you were getting divorced?

I feel the need to tell people at work a bit, but don't want to go into details.

I don't have any problem telling close friends (most of whom are aware of our difficulties anyway).

The alternative is just not to tell people, but drop it into conversation in a few weeks/months/years time - but I think that may be a bit weird.

Thanks all.

I told my line manager because I thought I might need a few allowances making and it would help if they knew. I told family and close friends but didn't bother so much about anyone else because I didn't think it was any of their business. Sorry you're going through this.

Yes, I need to tell my line manager as I'll need to do more school runs (H helped on this) and also be around for the children more.

He'll be very understanding and slightly embarrassed so hopefully that will be fine.

Maybe I won't bother telling my team directly and just let it filter out. There is another woman in the team going through a divorce too and she is very open about her issues (unfaithful H in her case) - it just seems a bit odd if I don't even mention mine.

If you think you'd benefit from telling the rest of your team then say something. People can be more help if they know you need a bit of extra support. On the other hand, if you don't want to deal with awkward or intrusive questions, be very clear about it.

Similar view to Cog - I told no-one apart from close family. My exW told everyone she possibly could as she wanted the sympathy! Personally I don't think its anyone else's business but I would be honest with key people at work if you need extra time, support, flexibility etc

I didn't tell a single person at my work that I was going through a divorce. Fortunately for me, my decree absolute came through about a week before I left to go to university after being there for over six years. It meant I avoided any dilemmas over whether to change my name at work.

I didn't tell anyone at work until I had the Absolute. I told who I wanted when I wanted. No one pays a subscription to my life, so no one needs to be told .

I'm interested by the work thing as I have just got a new boss (who seems to be quite an arsehole anyway) who I simply dont trust with this information. I dont know the guy from Adam. But he is really making it tough for me to book time out of the office (using leave I have accumulated during the last few months as I couldn't take any).

I told the closed and dearest, the rest had to add one and one and get whatever they want. Don't worry about the small stuff, you have a lot to get on with. Best wishes.

I have told my line manager and overall boss and two colleagues, I have a DD in Primary school and needed some of them to be aware that I am the parent 'on call' in case of illness, appointments etc...I am a full time teacher so my job lacks flexibility in terms of working hours and booking time off/holidays if she is off school etc. I have also needed to have a cry sometimes and they have passed me tissues and a cup of tea as/when needed and given me space in my day, it can be hard to escape the all seeing eyes of watchful teenagers!
They have, on the whole, been really understanding and, without making obvious concessions for me, have been supportive when needed.
I feel that my work life is very much separate to my home life, I hold a senior position and my work is my 'armour' .
Although I do think that if it had affected my work or demeanour in work or I had not been managing and it was having a detrimental effect on my ability to do my job then I would have told more people to put a stop to any of the (inevitable) gossip about what was/could be going on.

I told my boss at work and casually dropped into conversation with my team, didn't feel the need to specifically tell anyone else including school mums (who weren't already close friends).

At some point I casually referred to my 'ex' having kids over a weekend so that's how colleagues and acquaintances found out.

Probably the most important thing is working out what you're going to say if people are nosy enough to ask why. I just said it wasn't working between us and we decided it best to separate, all amicable and DC were ok.

I got impression some people wanted to know gossipy details like had there been an affair and stuff like that. Saying it was all amicable seemed to stop further questions.

I told my Line Manager and a few close colleagues at the time, I only ever told 2 school run mums and it seemed to filter out from there, XH never had much to do with school so noone else really noticed or if they knew they kept quiet. In front of me anyway.

I meant to add that re school mums etc, I had real difficulty with this as it felt a bit like I would be having to make a public announcement which felt really uncomfortable.
My DD (10) told some friends once here dad had moved out and when friends were invited round, I mentioned it to their parents that it was just me and DD at home now - some had been told by their children already, and then it had a bit of a domino effect - I just assume people know now and if they don't then they do not really need to as they are not part of my/DDs life.
I did let her class teacher and head teacher know too.
My friends all knew as I was going through it - they gave me space to talk/cry/sleep as needed.
I did (and still do sometimes) have a real urge to tell everyone at work, so it is just out in the open and I don't need to talk about it/face it again/explain it in the future... but I try to avoid that and make myself see it more as a need for me to feel it's 'done' and I am not sure how useful it would be to do and what would be gained from it...(and how I would cope with the thought of everyone discussing it)
Sorry for long double post, hope it of some help.
Take care, it is a lot to process.

Tell one person at the school gate ... everyone else will hear about it as if by magic.

I told everybody. Just that wed decided to call it a day. No further details.

H wanted it kept secret ...I felt just get it out there. Get it over and done with.