oh no is this a red flag? ?

[Ouchbloodyouch]

I went on a date. It went really well. I'm very attracted fancy a shag . I had a messages tonight saying I am lovely and sexy and kindest person he has ever met. Do I dump now? This is red flag of gargantuan proportions no? He doesn't know me ffs. Advice wise ones.. do people really say this so early on?
I've spent six months LIVING on the relationship boards. I have more boundaries than an OS map. Is there a balance?

I don't think you are necessarily overreacting either. I would have felt uncomfortable with a text like that so soon. In my distant shady past ive been out with lots of men who started off like this and ended up being stifling or a fucking weird cunt. not that I'm tarring him with the same brush but you get my drift .

My advice would be to proceed with caution

Sorry to be naive (possibly) but could he maybe just really like you and in the few hours he spent with you may have been totally blown away?

I thought dp was the best person ever within an hour of spending time with him. I walked home like I was floating (it was a miracle I wasn't run over!) and sent many many soppy, gushing messages once home

Does this type of behaviour always have to be perceived as a red flag?

Very enlightening comments as to the way some people work:
Enthusiastic complimet = gargantuan red flag.
Not just a bit odd, gargantuan.
No wonder people find dating so tricky and confusing.

I appreciate all comments. I will proceed with caution. Lots of caution.

I think caution is wise.

I would have felt weird receiving that text too. Something off about OTT compliments, and about being told what you are like, iyswim.

The sexy thing is a bit ewwwwww

How old is he? What's his background?

I would be put off too by 'big texts' after one date. It's too soon and narc central. Also just a bit creepy. But if you just want a shag, who cares. However if you want a grown up relationship with naice man, I'm not sure he is gonna fit the bill.

I think there is a lot to be said for DTD asap, because sexual compatibility is way important, and IMHO its good to know about that bit before the heart and head pile in too much.

After a couple of hours with DP I knew I was willing to give it a go - which surprised me a lot, after 6 years of drought.

I wouldn't say that this in itself is a red flag but I don't think that the fact you've noticed it is necessarily a bad thing. I think some of the scars we carry from previous relationships change us. And it's no bad thing to be more cautious. It's still early days so take things at your pace but don't write it off over this one particular comment. quite frankly if you fancy a shag go for it

My DP sent me a text after our first date, telling me i was even more beautiful than he could ever have hoped or wished for.

He was VERY enthusiastic & complementary - some quite over the top, but i'd just come out of an 11 year marriage, didn't have a clue what i wanted, other than to shag him as he was seriously sexy. I had my boundaries but was just enjoying the thrill of getting to know someone else.

We are still together almost 2.5 years later. He's lovely - doesn't compliment me quite as much as those earlier days, but he's not an abuser or a narcissist or a player. I think he was just thrilled to have clicked so much with someone.

Trust yourself to spot the dodgy ones, or at the very least, remember that finding love always involves risk - you may get hurt, he may be a tosser or he could turn out to be the love of your life.

Hello ouch (again)

I hear you. I am also stressing over the man I went on a very lovely date with on Saturday

I think when you've had your fingers burned - or in my case it was more 100% burns, ground zero type stuff - you end up worrying that the smallest thing is a red flag.

Join me on worry warts couch

Hello leclerc are your worries in a similar vein?

No not really ouch. I think it's mostly my own hang ups.

Eg he's nice to me. Complimentary. Thoughtful and considerate. But that is quite a long way outside of my experience with (mostly xh) so makes me nervous.

Eg He hadn't text me today until a short while ago which reminded me of a total dick who was my friend/on-off shag buddy /wanker for 18m. But in reality he told me yesterday that he would struggle to text this week as he's at a major conference.

So I'm being unreasonable I think. But I can't help it. I've been married to or dated or been taken advantage of by too many fuckwits to be totally breezy about it all

Im with you! Red flag!

Hows it going Leclerc?

Well, I think ouch. He rang me last night and we chatted for quite a while as he was in his way from Birmingham to London so texting was out! He had obviously had a really busy day which explains the lack of texts as today was back to 'normal' with a brief text conversation around lunchtime.

So, as I was saying to my friend earlier, I need to remain alert to red flags but also chill out and enjoy it!

What about you?

It'd definitely make me apprehensive, but on it's own not a red flag for me. I'd keep things slow and flee at any further signs of over-cling.

Well we are off out again tonight so I will have a better assessment!

You probably feel he is moving to fast. He probably is.

any chance you can raise this with him? Say it was a nice text but a bit full on as he doesn't know you yet. His reaction to that would be quite important.

Morning ouch how was last night? I think my mo right now is to make a note of stuff. A friend of mine suggested last night that I make a note on my phone so it is always there. And then I can revisit it or not as the need arises. Sounds like a good plan to me!

As in a note of things you notice? Sounds like a good plan.
Last night was lovely! I do really like him but he seems very keen.

Yeah exactly that. Things which may or may not be something bit of they're there it's easy to go back to rather than the doubting your own memory etc which I'm sure you're familiar with. A bit like a mental shelf to park things on.

Maybe tell him to just slow things down a bit?

When are you seeing yours again leclerc?

Next week. He's got a week off starting next weekend so I'm anticipating we'll see each other a couple of times that week. We talk on the phone a bit, text every day. I'm not bored of him yet which is actually pretty good going for me!

I don't know what the future holds. He might turn into a fuckwit. Or he might not. And even if he's not a fuckwit I may or may not like him and it may or may not work out. But right now, other than keeping my eye out for fuckwit tendencies, none of that matters. Right now I'm enjoying it

Very exciting! Keep that twatdar switched on!