How can I get some closure

[Wotsitsareafterme]

Realised when I replied on another thread this has become an issue for me. Need some advice please.

I dated a man last year for 4 months. He is a professor in a specific medical sector. A friend always refers to him as Dr teeth. Things were v good when we met and the relationship progressed quite quickly at his behest - lots of texts saying he has fallen for me that kind of thing. After a few months he started doing the thing I call appraising the relationship all the time and blew hot and cold and made me really angry. I had enough and went nc. He asked me after a week to go and visit him and convinced me it was worth giving things a go. Then by the end of that week it was silent treatment and I decided to try and move on. I got a random
Text a few weeks later saying he was sorry but he couldn't continue. No shit!! I was v stressed at work at this time and ended up taking sick leave for 7 weeks. During this time I met my now dp who I have v good relationship with and this has lasted 8 months so far. I am still struggling so much with how much Dr teeth hurt me and used me though and it makes it hard to feel as happy as I should with dp.

I don't want contact with Dr teeth and there has been none. I think there would be a showdown if I bumped in to him I am so angry and hurt. I just want to move past this now but I don't know how and I feel worse now than at xmas when I thought I was over it.
It seems so silly in some ways I got over a divorce and several other heartbreaks from much more serious relationships. It's almost a year though now and it's still dragging me down.

Any ideas?

I think you're suffering from the fact that he had the last word... You dumped him twice and then the cheeky bastard sent a text dumping you! I can see why you feel hurt but can I ask why you feel used? Do you feel you were suckered in under false pretences? Are you angry with yourself for falling for the lies?

Thanks for the reply. The time hd asked me to visit we slept together. I didn't think anything of it at the time but now I deeply regret it as I know the sorting stuff out was a pretence of lies, well I think so. I don't know why I fixate so much. In my whole dating history you could argue I've been used from time to time but I've just shrugged it off and chalked it up to experience. That said I don't think I've been shafted like this before and been lied to and manipulated.

From reading a lot of threads on herein the last few months I recognise his narcissist behaviour so clearly. The whole cycle fits him
Exactly. I know it's nothing I did wrong which caused him rejecting me but I am
Still hurting. I have to drive past his road on the way to quite a few places at least weekly. It just sets me off again down into the gloom.

He does sound like a narcissist and I think you've probably dodged a bullet. I think he worked out when you didn't put up with his treatment that he couldn't control you. But rather than just saying "Okay it's not working so lets go our separate ways," he tried to make it fit his version of reality where HE was in control and the one making decisions.

Do you think it would help if you were to write him a letter giving him what for and telling him what a cock he is - but not send it? I have done this in the past with an ex I was really angry at and it did help me feel less angry and move on a bit.

Yeh maybe. Even typing it out in here has helped a bit - giving it a narrative. I realised over the weekend I judge dp so harshly because of my ex. I expect him to lie to me or treat me badly though he never has.