DH hasn't spoken to me all day

[Nonie241419]

And instead of getting anxious and wanting to make up, I'm just pissed off. Yesterday morning, he did something petty and mean to DC1 (aged 10). I was annoyed. I already had plans to take DC1 out for some quality time in the morning, so set about getting ready. Before we left, DC1 had a hissy fit about not letting DC2 look at something while we were out (an Argos catalogue!). I was sorting it out, ignoring DC1's histrionics, when DH yelled from the other room that DC1 couldn't go out with me because of his tantrum. I stuck my head into the room he was in and said that the arrangement was between me and DC1 and that I had everything under control. DH huffed something like, 'Fine, do what you want!', and basically hasn't spoken to me since.
He's spent most of the weekend in his 'mancave' in the garage, watching football and films, leaving all the child wrangling and housework to me. He did come out for dinner both nights (making a passive aggressive comment about what I'd made last night), but has taken it into his mancave rather than eating with us. The DC have basically not seen him at all today, despite him not going out all day.
I get that he felt undermined by me, but I felt he was over-reacting and had already let one OTT dealing with DC1 go. Am I justified in thinking he's behaving like a total wanker (I never swear - this is how annoyed I am), or am I not being fair? As far as the not speaking goes, I did speak to him a couple of times yesterday and got monosyllabic replies. I haven't bothered today, waiting for him to say something, but he's made sure we haven't been in the same room at any point. He hasn't actually said anything about why he's ignoring me, but I think I may be being just as childish by not asking.

Lots of questions! He didn't sleep in the garage, but he delayed coming to bed til really late, I assume to avoid seeing me awake. He got up after me this morning, and went off to work without saying anything to me directly (he said a general bye at the door) but that's normal for mornings.
I've suggested he's on the spectrum, but he is adamant he isn't, although I'm 90% sure his dad is. His childhood seems to have been very happy. Dad was a bit hands off, although he did some academic things with DH, but mum did everything for him and his brothers. She was a SAHM and made sure FIL and her sons never had to lift a finger. They certainly weren't massively strict, but DH believes they didn't need to be as he was so well behaved. His parents both laugh at this suggestion, but they never seriously refute it, so he really doesn't see that DC1's apple isn't falling too far from DH's tree.
DH acknowledges that DC1 has autistic traits, but isn't interested in finding out about it. He thinks that DC1 needs to learn to control/mask his less socially desirable traits so that he isn't disadvantaged in life.

So he hasn't spoken to you for over 24 hrs. He's left all the childcare to you and he thinks this is OK or part of your punishment or whatever. He was deliberately cruel to your eldest child (almost twice). And people are asking whether he is on the spectrum .

Does being on the spectrum mean you are deliberately cruel to people over whom you have some power and punish them by sulking (which is again a very deliberate act. It takes a lot of energy to sulk with people for extended lengths of time)? I don't think so and the sulking shows he knows exactly what he is doing. He wants his family to walk on eggshells around him.

"He thinks that DC1 needs to learn to control/mask his less socially desirable traits so that he isn't disadvantaged in life." You mean like he does .

Nasty is what he is. Harsh I know, but the story about the zip is a little bit heartbreaking.

So, your husband would appear to be wanting your son to be a good boy just like him.

In all seriousness I think the possibility your husband may very well be on the spectrum has to be explored for all of your sakes, his, yours childs, and yours. because nothing will ever be fixed if you don't know how to think about situations.

Sorry about the mess of that post - am trying to eat at the same time.

I think he was just trying to be a father to a child and letting him know that he/she should behave appropriately...

in future children by this and further types of situations will stop respecting your husband...

their are children of yours and your husband probably there should be some mutual agreement between partners how to raise kids...

i might be wrong, as the insights are more visible to you only...

My husband gets upset when I tell him in front of our kids that I don't like the way he handling the kids. We talked about it and agree that if any of us don't like how we are handling the child, we can interrupt by telling the child to go to him room and discuss it.

I mean, we will send our kids to their room (so they know they are not off the hook), and then we discuss together as parents how to handle it/discipline

He was the one for the undermining and interrupting. The OP was handling the situation. He barged in like the big I AM and over rode what she was saying. I don't know why the OP is getting a hard time about taking him to one side about it. And I don't understand why the children will get any more confused by parents disagreeing in front (or the OP standing up for herself) than they would by a disproportionate and unreasonable punishment or by one parent coming in and trampling all over the other parents work?

in front of them that was supposed to say.

I'm sorry that your husband is acting in such a childish way. If he felt undermined he should have spoken to you later on about it, not sulked and hidden in his 'mancave.'

I was horrified when I read what you said about your husband pushing your son away and driving off leaving him crying all because he took too long fussing over a zip. He's supposed to be his dad, not a cruel sod who makes his son cry because he's running late.

I hope that your husband isn't normally like this, I think you have every right to be totally hacked off with him. Personally I would have had a row spoken to him about it by now but I can understand that you didn't feel like engaging with him.

I think he owes you and your son a large apology and I hope you are okay.

I know. Still when my husband decides to step in and do something about it, he still hates it when I say something to him front of the kids.

The story about the zip really upset me, it was downright cruel. Whether he felt undermined or not, he shouldn't have sulked in that way, again rather cruel. Why is it acceptable for him to duck out of family life for a whole weekend over a disagreement? Is he trying to teach you a lesson, in his eyes? What a horrible person!

In view of your second post noonie I apologise for my post.

From your last post, sounds like your DH is unable to accept that his kid could have a problem. It does remind me the time how my great grandfather did not want to believe his daughters (great aunts) are deaf. They sent them to deaf school but whenever they came home, my grandma and her sisters would get beaten if they signs and told them they have to speak. That they can hear.

WhatsGoingOnEh said:

"Could you say, "I realise you have some differing opinions on how we parent DC1. But I fail to see how sulking in your room for a whole weekend is going to rectify them. Come out and be a parent with me, or sod off and be a weekend-only father on your own. This is unreasonable and I'm not putting up with another minute of it." ?"

This is absolutely what you should say to him.