I think I've had enough

[CarpetDiem]

This afternoon DS asked to watch a programme on telly, yes sure I replied. At which point DH came downstairs from an afternoon nap & declared he wanted to watch the last ten mins of a match & asked DS to put it on. DS was messing about a bit with remote & DH said 'what are you doing- I thought I told you to do something' I said don't speak to him like that. All hell broke loose. He was shouting at me 'are you fucking mental?' 'I said nothing wrong' 'how dare you create an atmosphere between me & my son' 'you're toxic, you evil bitch causing this argument. Apologise now' 'you need psychotherapy' 'i'm not your step dad that treated you like shit' etc and this continued for about 45 minutes, in front of DS1 & DS 2 who were in tears by this point. He barged past me to get a washing up sponge as he had spilt some coffee in his excitement , & proceeded to through the sponge in my face when he had finished. I'm so fed up, I feel so tired.

Actually I am so cross about this that I have reported sensational for her horrid victim blaming comments. "Button pushing"! Absolutely vile.

OP, I'm glad you came back and filled in the missing parts. The fact that you didn't leave the room because you were worried things would be worse is awful and a huge indication that he's an abusive prick.

I have never once written that you deserved it or that he had a right to throw things at you or call you names. In fact in every post I've made I've stated he's pretty much an asshole. When people omit half a conversation it does make you wonder why, often it's to hide their own behaviour.

Nothing is going to fix this marriage, when you have to take a nearly hour long ranting in front of your kids because that's the best case scenario then the only option is to leave permanently. Call the police if it happens again, he's a dick.

LOL dollius, if you're so upset about button pushers you can have my brother and sister. They know exactly what to say to inflict as much pain and suffering onto my caring parents.

But hey, next time my brother tells my mum her many ailments are all in her head, says her pain doesn't exist and upsets her I'll remember he's the victim and she's the abuser according to you. Meanwhile I have to remain calm while they're assholes because biting back does no good and makes it worse.

I don't think the OP is a button pusher anymore, but she cleared that up, not your stupid ranting.

The "button pusher" comment is why sil will never leave her dickhead of a dp. She believes, because she has been told her whole life, that she is "difficult". As a result, even when his behaviour is so appalling i can barely think straight when I hear about it, her stick response is, "I wasn't innocent. I did push his buttons/act aggressively/behave badly). Funny how men are never accused of being button pushers in the same way.

Op get rid of this man. This is not a healthy way to live.

Glad domestic abuse is such a LOL subject for you sensational. As to your brother and mother I have literally no idea what you are on about. Now DFOD.

"if you're so upset about button pushers you can have my brother and sister. They know exactly what to say to inflict as much pain and suffering onto my caring parents. "

You're describing 'goading'. The action of using deliberately inflammatory behaviour to provoke an unreasonable reaction in an otherwise reasonable person. Bullies goad and provoke.... your siblings are therefore bullies.

The OP .... and you really should make a beeping noise when you go into reverse like that SensationalGirl .... was clearly not goading anyone. There was a minor disagreement over something petty which turned into a sustained and aggressive verbal assault. The response was disproportionate

Glad you've admitted you're in the wrong

and you really should make a beeping noise when you go into reverse like that SensationalGirl - now that's a LOL!

Oh what a surprise! Turns out sensationagirl was projecting. Who could have seen that coming?

In my opinion, (I'm a bloke), the OPs 'D'h is a prick of the first order. Even trying to ignore the ranting, and throwing (which nigh on impossible). But he's so entitled , that he comes down from a nap and expects the TV to be for him. What next, the old..'I paid for it so I get first choice'? If my grandson (8) stays over, which is very regularly, I find I step back and let him have first choice. I never, ever think I have the right to expect him to stop watching the little amount of TV he does, in order for me to watch something. It just wouldn't enter my head.

OP, I think you know what you need to do to protect you and your little ones. Sooner, rather than expose them to any more of this.

Thank goodness for the sensible majority of MN. Thought I'd gone to the twilight zone for a while there!

He is just like your stepdad, and worse, he is not your kids step dad. They lived through that and dont even have the tiny reassurance that it wasnt their real dad treating their mother that way. i am glad you have your head on straight after a nights sleep. Good luck with that.

Just make sure if you do go it alone you don't allow your boys to rule you by taking their time to follow simple requests.

That's very unfair take on the child's situtation. He asked for, and was given permission to watch a show. So far so polite and considerate. When his dad came in and ordered the child to change the channel, his own interests were the only thing he expected anyone to care about. The child understandably did not want to miss the end of the show his mother had allowed him, but he knew there was a risk in speaking up for himself: that either he or his mother would be attacked in this way. While he weighed his options with the remote in his hand, his mother spoke up, in what was essentially a distraction maneuver, and took the attack on herself. The child is already learning that he must walk on eggshells, and carefully consider any action that implies anyone but his father matters. OP leaving the room as some have suggested might have calmed the situation a few minutes, but dad would have been seething, and waiting for an opportunity if any child made a noise that disrupted his enjoyment of that damned 10 minutes, or maybe waiting for the opportunity to berate someone for toys on the floor or some other normal household circumstance.

Either you are so far from abuse that you don't understand simple requests from someone like that are never simple, or you are in such a relationship too deep to know you arent living with normal people.

Carpet

How are you today?

I've had a good day, its like i've seen the light. Thanks for the support.

momagain my comment wasn't intended to upset the op. And Carpet I'm sorry if it upset you. I should have explained that I meant your boys have witnessed your Dh and behaviour and it may influence how they behave. also your H taught DC1 a massive lesson in how to get a reaction. I'm a LP parent and know myself when you get in situations it's difficult because being alone, you can't step back. Again sorry for offending anyone with my comment.

I'm OK, Youare i think you just touched a nerve, as I have been that child.

carpet How are you?