Headmess

[jl1983]

Please help me ?? I've been on off with this guy for 4 years but he is a compulsive liar/drunk few times he's made out he's single and isn't resulted in me being punched in the face by his gf. My mate said he saw him looked really I'll and generally not well. I saw him the next wk and he asked me to meet him nothing went on just talked to him. I went out sat found out that not only has he been stealing from his family and people on street for drink money but is on community service for threatening his moms bf with a knife :( his gf told me this after finding out I met him. My behaviour is not good but he messes my head up

He sounds lovely doesn't he!!!

Why waste your time on someone like this? He needs to get professional help for his drinking, and sort himself out!

You deserve better! How old are you?

Steer well clear of that one if I were you, love. Sounds like a Jeremy Kyle show waiting to happen.

You really need to get away from this man. People only mess with your head if you let them

If your behaviour is not good, try to improve yourself. Be with people who represent the person you'd like to be..... don't waste your time with lowlifes, thieves and liars.

Lie down with dogs and you wake up with fleas..... You're better than this

Tell us a bit more?

You sound in a state, desperate. Take a deep breath and try to calm down xx

I'm not sure what your question is op!

Thank goodness he has a gf, you dodged a bullet there.

Now all you have to do is stop standing in front of the gun screaming "look at me I'm a target!"

Leave him to sort himself out, and his gf to put up with it (or not).

It's really not a good idea to meet him again.

You can do do much better than this.

I know :( he has a way of making you feel sorry for him

Can you tell us more about yourself? Do you have a good life? A job? Family of your own? Just because you were once in a relationship with this person, you're not responsible for them. You're only responsible for yourself. He's a criminal, his girlfriend is a criminal..... the choices they're making will only end up one way. You can make better choices.

He can't make you do anything. You can allow him to push your buttons. Or you can stay away from him and get some support to find out how and why those buttons got there.

Take care of yourself, this is not working for you.

You are responsible for YOU. You are not responsible for the behaviour of someone else.
He keeps seeking you out because he is getting something from you. Presumably it is warmth and approval. Stop it, as he is getting something, but all you are getting is aggro.
You need to think more about what YOU want from life and less about this total waste of space.
Find and associate with people who make you feel good about yourself, not who make you feel worse.
You have had lots of good advice on here, now act upon it before you get another slap in the face.

I know all this I don't have high esteem best of times and think maybe that's all I can get who knows. But when I heard about the stealing it is not good he is also an alcoholic

What might you do that could improve your self-esteem? What is it about yourself that you are proud of? What do you like about yourself?

Not sure I know he's seriously bad but guess its heart over head. He's been getting drunk every day too and practically everyone has turned bk on him

Still talking about him eh?...... Pity because I'm sure you're far more interesting.

You sound addicted to him. Actual addiction I mean, like being addicted to a substance and compelled to keep using when the consequences are unbelievably dire.

Do the Freedom Programme. Research codependency (google CODA).

You wouldn't be the first but girl you've got to wake up before you waste years on precisely nothing.

Men like this are first class manipulators. It's how they get away with such poor behaviour again and again and again. You're not in love, he wants you to believe that and is playing you like a doll.

Some research into how alcoholics manipulate might help open your eyes.

I did a little research myself maybe that's why his gf puts up with the stealing etc with his crying making out he's sorry

His behaviour is his own responsibility. If his girlfriend wants to put up with it, that's her responsibility.

You have to look after yourself. You can't always avoid having bad experiences or meeting rotten people, but you can learn from it and make a repeat less likely. If you've realised that this man's way of getting away with bad behaviour is to pull the 'poor me' act and turn on the waterworks then see it for what it is, don't fall for it and put plenty of distance between you. If you see the same behaviour in someone else one day, walk away.

This has gotten much worse he is now seeing his ex as his gf has kicked him out. The ex is going round plying him with booze money and sex. His ex is married