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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Going NC with parents

3 replies

xmasbaby2014 · 08/03/2015 18:54

Ok, apologies in advance if this is long. My relationship with my mum has always been strained. She is an alcoholic and drank a lot when my db and I were growing up. My dad worked nights so as soon as he left for work she would disappear to the pub leaving db and I alone in the house from a very young age. I left home early, married young and had 2 dcs. My marriage was a joke. Exh was verbally, physically and emotionally abusive.
I left him a couple of years ago after he hit me so hard he left bruises on my stomach.

Soon after I began a new relationship with a guy I knew years ago. Since then exh has continued to make my life hell. He has made false allegations to social services about me and my dp, told them dp is a paedophile and I have mental health issues. Ss investigated and found all allegations to be untrue. My family know how difficult things have been for us.
Last year exh started to call to my parents house occasionally when he had dcs for access at the weekends. My parents invite him in for tea and all play happy families. I feel incredibly betrayed by this. He beat me, got another woman pregnant while we were together, has tried to have my kids taken off me, is constantly dragging me to court looking for money I don't have, is spreading disgusting lies about me all over the town and yet they feel its acceptable to ignore all this and have him round for tea. They're very much "keeping up appearances" kinds of people and will do anything to avoid conflict. They are embarrassed by the fact I'm separated and I think would rather I had stayed in an abusive relationship.

Added to all this my dp admitted to me last year that years ago he slept with my mother... she cheated on my dad with him and several other guys. She is furious with him for telling me and says there was no need for me to know. I was pregnant at the time and it was a massive shock. She treated me like dirt after I found out, ignored me for weeks on end, sulked when I confronted her about it etc.

Anyway I spoke to my parents last year and told them I'd prefer them to discontinue the relationship they had with exh, that I thought it was disloyal after all the trouble he caused. They have ignored that and had him round again this week. At this stage I just don't want anything to do with them. Am I over reacting?

OP posts:
pocketsaviour · 08/03/2015 19:00

No you're not overreacting, your parents are useless wastes of space.

This theme of toxic parents siding with an abusive ex seems very common, I've seen it quite a lot on here.

Does your mum still drink? Any mileage in setting access conditions that he can't take the kids there?

Not sure what to think about your DP sleeping with your mum but I take it this was well before he met you?

Meerka · 09/03/2015 07:57

They're no support and some harm to you.

If you continue a relationship with them for you own sake, I dont think you can ever hope to get any real care or support or closeness to them. It's be because you're hanging onto an illusion.

In your shoes I'd be considering moving further away if that is practical. Their betrayal of you over and over is a relationship-killer.

SensationalGirl · 09/03/2015 08:45

You are not over reacting in the slightest. The best thing you can do for your future happiness is to cut them out of your life. They are so toxic, it looks like they enjoy hurting you.

Good on you for taking that stand.

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