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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

XH and moped

25 replies

UpNorthAgain · 08/03/2015 17:13

OK, this is a bit of an odd one, but I thought someone may be able to come up with a better solution than me, hence the thread.

My passive-aggressive XH lives 200 miles away from me, and refuses to communicate with me in any way. He recently returned a letter that I had written to him, unopened Shock. DD (aged 16) bought a second hand moped last autumn, which XH collected, serviced and had MOTed. It's been sitting in his garage ever since, and now that Easter is almost here I want DD (who passed her compulsory basic training ages ago) to be able to ride it. I'm prepared to hire a van and drive the 400 mile round trip to collect it, or pay to have it couriered to me. (Just had a quote which is only very slightly more than the cost of the van hire plus diesel, and which would save me the hassle of dealing with XH face-to-face.) However, XH stubbornly refuses to liaise with me over dates. I've sent him two postcards - because it's impossible to return a postcard unread Wink - texted him once, and written to his dad to ask him to persuade XH to cooperate. (I'm not at all close to XPIL; that was a desperate move). Still no response. I'm worried that if I drive to XH's house he will be out, or even refuse to open the door. Same goes for a courier company.

Any suggestions? This is really stressing me out Angry, which is (of course) exactly what my XH wants.

OP posts:
LineRunner · 08/03/2015 17:18

Can your DD not continue to communicate with him over this? I think you've done all you can.

mynewpassion · 08/03/2015 17:18

Have your daughter communicate with him and you just pay for the delivery

YouAreMyRain · 08/03/2015 17:20

Does he have contact with the children? Surely they can ask him about it, esp if DD is 16.

Original poster
UpNorthAgain · 08/03/2015 17:21

Thanks for the reply. Sadly, she hasn't got much of a relationship with him; he's very wrapped up with his new life, new woman etc. He's perfectly capable of ignoring DD, too because he is a tw@t

You're right, though. It's her moped, and her father who is being awkward. She should help me to try to resolve the situation if she wants to ride it.

OP posts:
pocketsaviour · 08/03/2015 17:22

Unless he will speak to your DD directly, it seems you'll have to just assume that she doesn't have a moped, and if she wants one, she'll need to get a part time job and save up Sad

Oh wait I just re-read your OP. Did she pay for this moped herself? It wasn't a gift?

Original poster
UpNorthAgain · 08/03/2015 17:22

Thanks for the replies, even! More arrived whilst I was typing.

OP posts:
Original poster
UpNorthAgain · 08/03/2015 17:23

pocket yes, she paid for it herself second-hand. XH thought it was a good idea & was very cooperative about collecting it etc.

OP posts:
ICanTuckMyBoobsInMyPockets · 08/03/2015 17:24

Can you report him for theft?
If he's got it with no intention of returning it and it doesn't belong to him, does it constitute a theft of property?

SauvignonBlanche · 08/03/2015 17:26

It sounds like you need to let your DD sort this with him.

Original poster
UpNorthAgain · 08/03/2015 17:45

The theft angle is interesting....

I think that the posters who have said I have to let DD sort this out are probably right. I've been trying to shield her from the worst excesses of his PA behaviour, because I think it's so sad that he would treat her in this way, but I guess that I have to take a step back and let her email him direct.

When he moved out, he left a wrecked car in the garden. It had been there for four years already, and was meant to be the donor vehicle for a kit car. He deliberately refused to give me the registration document, which meant that he was the legal owner of the vehicle and I couldn't get it removed Angry. It added at delightful Steptoe-esque ambiance to the garden for several more years until I managed (by subterfuge) to get it taken away. I literally jumped for joy when it went Smile. He views vehicles as power, you see, hence his behaviour over DD's moped.

OP posts:
deste · 08/03/2015 17:49

I think I would speak to the police, report it as theft.

ICanTuckMyBoobsInMyPockets · 08/03/2015 17:53

I've been thinking about it and it is theft.
I would even go as far as to say that he took it with no intention of returning it.

Original poster
UpNorthAgain · 08/03/2015 18:19

I'm being persuaded of this theft angle......

Think I'll ring 111 and see what they say.

Thanks for the replies; it's good to get another POV.

OP posts:
pocketsaviour · 08/03/2015 18:23

A solicitor's letter might be worth investigating, too, presuming he would actually open it of course...

But I would let DD try to handle it. At some point she is going to find out just what a useless tit he is, after all.

pocketsaviour · 08/03/2015 18:24

Are you sure he still has it? Any chance he has sold it to pay a debt or just to be an arse?

Original poster
UpNorthAgain · 08/03/2015 19:03

pocket he won't have sold it; he has a very well-paid job. He's just being an arse - it's about power. I think one of the reasons he was so keen for DD to have a moped in the first place (other than his being a petrolhead) is because he thought I would disapprove and try to stop it, and thus be seen as the evil parent.

My plan of action now is (1) see if X-FIL helps, as I only wrote to him a few days ago (2) ask DD to email her dad asking when the moped can be collected (3) report it as stolen.

He has this unique ability to wind me up, and he knows it Angry. Must stay calm.

OP posts:
SylvaniansAtEase · 08/03/2015 19:14

The only useful suggestion I can make is that you PM his address to a few of us, and we can send postcards saying things like 'Hello Twatty!' 'My arse, your face!' and 'Farty Breath' from far-flung postmarks. But that's not going to sort the moped issue, really.

(JOKE before anyone gets upset about anonymous letters etc.)

Allow yourself a moment, OP, to imagine him opening a letter from a postmark he doesn't recognise, in unknown handwriting, with a slightly furrowed brow, and unfolding an A4 piece of paper cheerily informing him 'You're A Massive Twat, Did You Know That? We Do!' in inch-high letters. With a smiley at the bottom.

Hope that's raised a smile OP :)

Original poster
UpNorthAgain · 08/03/2015 19:24

Thank you Sylvanians, that did indeed make me smile Smile. A very tempting offer......

OP posts:
ShellyBobbs · 08/03/2015 20:59

If the police won't do anything, which I suspect may be the case, then use the small claims. It doesn't cost much and he will have to repay the fee anyway.

I presume your daughter has all the relevant paperwork?

What a horrible man.

Whatsforsupper · 08/03/2015 21:17

Gosh.

You are well rid of him. :)

I feel for your DD. Really, what type of man takes his daughters moped under the guise of repairing it then holds it hostage?

I second trying the legal route.

MinceSpy · 08/03/2015 21:22

It's more a civil matter, daughter gave permission to her father to take it and he paid for service etc. A solicitors letter served by recorded delivery followed by small claims court.

cozietoesie · 08/03/2015 21:29

However.....

My experience of Our City's Finest is that if the OP tells the story right (eg young DD trying to do the right thing by wanting to have her bike roadworthy and nasty Dad holding on to it out of pique etc etc) then a quick phone call will likely be made to the relevant force and - even if it's not strictly a criminal matter - a car will drop in on the Ex 'in passing' and the local cops will 'have a word'. However charming he is - and they frequently are - that will be a difficult one for him to get out of, especially if he values his own licence in the future.

Original poster
UpNorthAgain · 08/03/2015 21:29

More helpful suggestions - I knew it would be a good idea to start a thread Smile

He is indeed a weapons-grade dickhead. He's just determined to make life as difficult and stressful for me as possible, and to hell with DD's feelings. You can imagine how easy and straightforward he made the divorce...

OP posts:
Original poster
UpNorthAgain · 08/03/2015 21:33

cozie there is a small police station, open part-time, on the road where he lives. Do you think I should contact them? I'm very good at writing persuasively.

OP posts:
cozietoesie · 08/03/2015 21:37

I wouldn't myself - but no harm in mentioning that fact if you're down at your own police station. (And giving them a note of the address and tel no. Wink)

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