Put up and shut up?

[Blueballs]

Right this is going to be long so I apologise now, I just need to get it all out.

I have been with dh for 17years. I have never had another relationship. We have 3dc -youngest is nearly 9.

For the last 8 years things have been shit. We do nothing together unless it was his works do. I have tried to organise babysitters so we could go for a meal etc but he just says no. We have had sex about once every 2 months. This is his doing, for the first few years I tried and tried but there is only so many times I can be knocked back. I have suffered with depression and seem to be coming out the other side now and I think this has made me realise I could maybe do this without him.

I realised this week he never makes conversation with me. He comes in and I say hi, how was your day etc which he answers me but that's it. Unless I speak to him he doesn't speak to me.

Tonight was a bit of a turning point. We went to tesco and I had forgot something in an aisle I had already been up, I asked him if he could go back and get it for me, he looked me ine eye and just said no. I know it sounds pathetic but it made me realise he never does anything / goes out of his way for me.

It's not always been like this and I have asked him to see a Dr about the sex and even go to councilling with me but he said no everything's fine and it's all in my head.

The Children idolise hi but he swears a lot in front of them and he has ignored me when I have asked him to stop and he lets them stay up, watch films that I think are too old. - I always come across as the moaning mum whilst he is the fun one.

My mum called me tonight and asked how I was I said I wasn't happy and I was thinking of leaving and she was horrified. She said I need to shut up and put up until the children have left home or I would damage them forever. This upset me even more.

Would I be an evil mum to leave him? I have no money I work in childcare so am on a very low wage - he owns the house - we bought it whilst married but it's only his name on the deeds and mortgage. He wouldn't leave I know he wouldn't.

Should I try harder?

Thank you for reading

Sympathies OP. I hope things improve.

Meanwhile, you do know the house is half yours if you are married, whoever is on the deeds? It wouldn't hurt to see a solicitor between now and June to see what you are entitled to in the event of things not getting better. It might help you feel more secure and counteract your mother's neanderthal approach. She is so wrong!

I went to see a family lawyer (although I did later divorce my XH ) when things got rocky and he was being a arsehole. His name was on the deeds, and although the house is considered a marital asset, his sole name on the deeds does mean that he can re-mortagage or take out a loan on the asset without your knowledge. The solicitor I saw made sure that the one thing I should do immediately was officially to register an interest with the Land Registry so that he cannot re-mortage without you being alerted. This is merely a safety measure, whichever way your marriage goes.

Good luck.