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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

considering reconciliation

9 replies

teenagejennyagutter · 07/03/2015 15:06

I split up with partner of 9 years last year. We have a nearly 2yo DS together. The split, and the year before were pretty horrific. MH issues on both side, cheating, bringing up DS without any family support etc.
Anyway, I have been feeling pretty happy with my life since we split, and our relationship has been (mostly) amicable. The only thing that really gets me down is the fact my DS won't have a sibling. I know in theory I could meet someone etc etc but to be honest, my taste in men is horrific, I don't have the energy, time or inclination to even think about letting someone else into my life. And I'm not getting any younger.
My question is would I be mad to sound my ex out about reconciling when I know my main motivation would be a sibling for DS? As much as I think I am now in a better place emotionally and I know I wouldn't be as dependent on my ex, I know I would never really trust him (or anyone else) again. So, if I know the limitations and benefits of the relationship beforehand this time would it be a truly terrible idea? My main concern would be losing the support of my friends by getting back with him, although I suspect most of them would understand my motivation. At the mminute all I can think is worst case scenario would be ending up in the same situation I am now in a few years but my son would have a sibling. Am I Mad?

OP posts:

thenextday · 07/03/2015 15:08

Yes

FabULouse · 07/03/2015 15:17

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

currentnameinuse · 07/03/2015 15:21

Terrible idea - but I think you already know that don't you?

inlectorecumbit · 07/03/2015 15:25

yep.. you're mad

CogitoErgoSometimes · 07/03/2015 16:24

If you want a sibling for your son, find a sperm donor rather than get back with someone who made your life miserable. Not worth losing your friends, your independent status or your self respect....

AttilaTheMeerkat · 07/03/2015 16:27

Its a terrible idea frankly and a damaging one at that as well.

What did you learn about relationships when growing up?.

If your taste in men is horrific then have counselling to unravel and unlearn all the rubbish you have learnt about relationships along the way. This would be of far more value to you overall than you thinking about this mad idea of yours at all out of wanting your child to have a sibling (and another child to be dragged into this overall mess).

Love your own self for a change and work on rebuilding your life and self worth upwards.

JackShit · 07/03/2015 16:36

Siblings aren't the be all and end all you know.

MrsFrankieHeck · 07/03/2015 16:38

Sweetheart, if you really only want to be with him for a sibling, then yes, you're mad. If you genuinely like him.and think you could be happy together then it's a different story.

Rebecca2014 · 07/03/2015 16:54

No this is a crazy and stupid idea. I have one child and I couldn't ever imagine doing that.

You should not be in a relationship with anyone, you need to work on yourself. Your son is not losing out by not having a sibling and to be honest, one day you could find a decent man and have another child. They may not be close in age but that's life. Don't make your life harder than it has to be...

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