Friendless

[justalittlelemondrizzle]

A few weeks ago I ended a 16 yr friendship and last night I ended another decade long one. I came to the realisation that if I died tomorrow neither of them would care, or if I was ill in anyway like both of them have been in the past. I would not be shown the same compassion I shown them. So what was the point. I clearly have terrible taste in friends or atleast did all those years ago. I don't expect alot. Just a good friend who isn't a self centred arsehole! I've had 3 'good' friends in the past. All three are gone. What is wrong with me. I have self esteem issues and now find it very hard to make new friends so I don't think they'll be replaced. What am I doing wrong. I wouldn't be surprised if this latest episode doesn't tip me over the edge. I don't think I will ever be able to let anyone in again. or be myself as clearly myself is a pathetic sad loser.

Are you me?

I'd like to be anyone else other than me right now.

It's YOU who has chosen to end those friendships. You say that you came to the realisation that they wouldn't care if you died, but what has made you think this Where are you? I think it's highly unlikely that after 10 and 16 years as your friend, they wouldn't care if you died. They are probably hurt and confused, wondering what they have done wrong.

You clearly have self-esteem issues. You need to get help and learn to like yourself and not push people away. I don't mean this to sound trite, but are you seeing someone who can help? Take care.

I ended the friendships for reasons I'm not going into on here. I didn't just wake up one morning and decide I didn't want to be friends with them anymore.

Sorry - that random "where are you" should be "way". I have it set up as a text shortcut on my phone and didn't realise it would automatically transfer to ipad text.

I'm using "wouldn't care if I died" as an expression but saying that I really dont think she would. Certain things have happened in the past and more recently where I have been there for them and when the shoe was on the other foot they were no where, they didn't seem to care.
Sad thing is I didn't expect them to as I came to expect nothing from them. My friend of 16 yrs just fizzled out really we were friends as children and have grew apart. I wouldn't say I ended the friendship I just stopped texting and replying.
The one from the other night is selfish and egocentric. If it wasn't about her it didn't matter. The friendship became destructive and I had enough.
I just wanted some constructive advice. I'm upset things have turned out this way and as usual I know that I've not been thought of once since. Like I never mattered, because I never did.

You are not pathetic or a loser, but have had selfish friends...as have I. I have had similar problems and had to walk away from people who do not value me or would care less if they ever saw me again, so I know how you feel.

Join a class or volunteer and meet new people, or get a pet or a new hobby...distract yourself. I prefer my budgies company to that of some people!

OMG its as if id written this myself. im 36 and friendless although had friends I would have given my last breath to til they did wrong. its not you hun xxxxxxxx

If you really feel that the friendships are over and you know that this is the best thing for you then I would handle this as a break up. Focus on yourself, try not to dwell too much on the past and look forward. If you can afford the time, perhaps join a group of some sort to meet other like minded people... book group, ramblers society, kick boxing club?? That sort of thing. Or volunteer. Try to spend quality time with your family, if you aren't already doing. Have some me time, exercise and eat healthy food... these will help with your self-esteem. You may also like to try counselling in order to explore why these relationships no longer satisfied you and to help you build on your self-esteem. I doubt there is anything wrong with you it's just that life can get busy and we sometimes neglect certain areas of our lives. There are good people out there and you deserve to meet them! Good luck.

Thank you for the kind messages. We had a very close friendship, spoke everyday. She was one of a very few people I could be myself with. I don't think I'll ever be like that with anyone ever again as people obviously don't like the real me. This has really knocked my confidence and I did have much to begin with..

She's a very spiteful person I'm worried she's going to try to get me the sack from work now by showing my employer photos I sent her that I probably shouldn't have. She did this too by the way it was a bit of a joke nothing serious but now I'm worried. I've seen another side of her recently. She's pretty evil and I wouldn't put it past her as she doesn't like to see anyone else happy.

Trust me its their loss. Ive had a couple of close friends like this, nobody knew me like they did only my husband. Dont give yourself a hard time. Their behaviour towards you is not because of you, try not to take it personally, I know its hard but they are the ones with the problem. They dont deserve you as a friend and they will realise one day. My motto now is that id rather have no friends than fake shallow ones and superficial friendships. You will make another good friend when you meet someone who is a good person like you. Feel sorry for these women not yourself. You are a good person with so much to offer and a good heart, thats nothing to be sorry about hun xxxxxx

It's okay. Apart from my husband because I work freelance I only have online mates really now lol. Why don't you try looking on the internet to see if there are any meet up groups in your interests near you? How about a book club? Or a Mumsnet meet up?

Feel free to PM me if you fancy a chat.

Feeling the same, surprising how many of is do...

It's really getting be down lately too. What's wrong with me? I have acquaintances, but no real friends anymore. I too finished with a close friend last year, I just wasn't going to put up with her two faces. I didn't want my children thinking it was ok for their mum to be treated like that - as much as I miss having a close friendship, I wasn't going to put up with it. My husband was friends with her husband too, so feel awful he's lost a friend in the process too.

Thanks. I may look into joining a club but I'm going to be wary of people in the future after thinking you know someone and then realising they weren't what they seemed at all. I don't think I can trust my own judgement anymore. Glad to hear I'm not the only one without RL friends as everyone else seems to have. I have plenty of acquaintances but it goes no further than that.

You're not alone lemondrizzle. We're here for you, so hang out and chat with us Mumsnetter's and lets all be loners together grins and passes the wine around

She's got really petty now. I signed into whatsapp and there she is. Her status about me. So I changed mine, a bit random to everyone else but, she knew... Anyway I delete her number so she disapeared from whatsapp and blocked her as im not playing silly games.
She then starts texting me, she must have sent about 30 texts. One after another. Saying stupid things, hurtful things. About my kids needing a role model, that I have a dead end job, and ridiculing it (I only do it to fit in with the kids and she knows it) saying stuff like I have no gcse's, which I do btw, and a levels. Again she knows this!
She's 28 and mentioning gcse's. I mean Arrgghhh fuck off!! Are you 12?! What the hell is wrong with her.....
I just need to vent.

What a bitch. I'd rather have no friends than a friend like her.

I don't think your opinion of yourself is as bad as you think. It's clearly healthier than any of the stupid women who are still friends with this crazy bitch. She does not represent us all, there are loads of women out there that don't send nasty texts to other women and belittle their children.

I would honestly change your mobile number hun x

Don't think there's any need for that. Not heard from her today. She has mental health problems. The only reason I didn't abandon her till now. So maybe that was why. I mean it isn't normal adult behaviour after all