I don't bloody believe it!!!

[Dizzy2014]

So it is going to be my 50th big birthday very soon and it will be our 20th wedding anniversary. I haven't planned a big party or a big night out but I have always wanted to go to Venice. For years I have daydreamed about going there whilst also dreading my impending 50th birthday. So DH asks his sister if she will look after our children and dog whilst we are away, she says yes and she is looking forward to it, this was 4-6 weeks ago and based on her agreement he books the trip. Last Week DH texts his sister to confirm she is definitely OK to look after kids and she texts back yes she can do it.
The 2 days later we all gather for a family meet up. I say to Sister in law we need to talk about our trip to Venice to which she replies "Oh I can't look after them now as my boyfriend has booked for us to go away, I must have forgotten to put your trip on the calendar, we will try to change the dates".

She had been off for the previous 2 days so she obviously wasn't going to try and change the dates and when exactly would she have told us????!!!!!!!!! I sat there furious but was polite until they left but felt like I was going to explode with anger and hurt. We are very lucky and my sister has agreed to come and stay to look after the children with just 3 weeks until we go.

What do you think?

I think that is fecking awful.

Very flaky behaviour from your SIL - I hope she spends a lot of time and energy trying to make amends. Three cheers for your sis!

She's got no morals - once you have agreed to do something, you ALWAYS do it no matter what 'better offer' comes up.

Without knowing the history of the relationship its hard to say what's going on here. Maybe she's jealous; maybe her boyfriend says jump and she does who knows - I would cut it dead and invest in your relationship with your sister who clearly does have your back.

She was only asked 4-6 weeks ago, how could she have forgotten in that time??!! She probably didn't want to do it in the first place.

Hi, the relationship had been fine, we don't see lot of each other as she is always so busy. My dark thoughts say she didn't want to do it so why not say say you can't do it. I wanted my sister to do it from the beginning but DH thought is easier for his sister as she lives closer. DH has blamed the boyfriend which caused us to have an argument as her ex's are always blamed! I phoned my sister a couple of days later and gave her a get out clause but she said she would definitely do it, hurray for sisters! Thank you I have been feeling awful all week and feel like she has taken the shine off our trip. I have been very quiet about this trip as I don't want anyone to feel jealous. Now has anyone been to Venice and can give me some advice! Thanks again xx

Yes my advice is to have a wonderful time!
Does she ever ask for favours your SIL

Well at least now you know NEVER to ask anything of her again. That way you won't be disappointed and upset.

Very poor behaviour.

YANBU to be pissed off. Don't ask for any favours again and remember this if she asks you for any.

Responsibility squarely with your SIL, can't see why your DH would blame the bf, she undertook to do it. I think you may want to bring your sister back a lovely present and enjoy yourself

Would suggest it's probably not worth trying to figure out if the SIL or bf is to blame - chalk it up to experience, remind yourself never to rely on her for anything big, and focus on what an amazing trip you're going to have.

In the interests of helping on that front - my advice would be to make good use of the vaporetto for getting about and make sure you take note of the closest stop to your hotel, and anywhere you want to go back to as it's really easy to get lost in all those windy little streets! Very frustrating if you're hungry and trying to rediscover that restaurant you had lunch in yesterday. Also, getting a cup of tea on the Piazza San Marco is eyewateringly expensive - much cheaper just a short distance away, so don't panic if it's the first place you go. (Still, having one cuppa to watch the world go by was nice).

Either She didn't want to do it in the first place, felt pressure by her bf (if he lives with her) not to watch them, or felt jealous and wanted to go somewhere too.

Venice is wonderful! Get a 3 day boat ticket and visit as many islands as you can fit in.

I went to Venice on honeymoon two years ago and loved it so much I went back for my 40th last year. Agree with Badger about getting a 3-day boat ticket, as well as general travel you can use it to visit the neighbouring islands of Murano and Burano which are lovely. Btw the bright orange drink you'll see everyone relaxing with is called a "spritz". Have a wonderful time!

Congratulations Venice is beautiful right now weather is lovely and not many tourists ... Pm me if you need any info .

I really, really want to go to Venice this year.

I've spent 4 hours there and OH hasn't been at all. I think he will love it.

Iknow idid. Have a lovely time. That was horrible of your SIL.

Have a gondola ride, very very expensive, but you can't do it anywhere else.

Don't let what she has done spoil your trip - just be grateful she won't have care of your dc!

And get your Dsis a lovely present.

Your sister in law has behaved very badly, and didn't even tell you she couldn't do it. Let it go, and don't talk about it anymore ESP on your trip- concentrate on romance and having a marvellous time- which is the best revenge - say airly " oh, MY DSis took care of the dc, so we bought her tickets to NYC or whatever" but don't ask her anything again as she isn't reliable.

Incidentally, you have told SIL you've made alternative arrangements I hope? Just in case she is in fact trying to change the date of her trip and succeeds - if the conversation was as you report, it was left somewhat ambiguous and the last thing you want is a major row a few days before your lovely trip...

Yes I got DH to text her as soon as we had things sorted out although with hindsight I wish we had made her wait! Just so you know she was never going to change her weekend away and only offered the once. She texted me yesterday to say she was sorry and she was sure I understood it wasn't her fault. I haven't replied but because I don't trust myself although I did think of saying "what do you expect me to say?". Bloody hell this was family what would an enemy do??!! I am trying to close the door on it. xx

I think I'd have to reply to that with "How is this NOT your fault?!"

Don't bother to reply - she knows she's f*cked up or of course could be totally selfish and really does believe she's done nothing wrong. Either way, you'd be arguing with yourself.

Don't offer to help her/do her any favours in the future - get your stock of replies ready. "Sorry, that doesn't work for me" etc...

If DH offers her help/favour, then he does it alone. Don't get dragged into it.

Have a lovely time in Venice.

She blew you out because a better offer came along, so hooray for sisters helping out.

DH has blamed the boyfriend which caused us to have an argument as her ex's are always blamed!

Don't blame the boyfriends; she's the common denominator. I wonder if the boyfriend even knew about the babysitting.

Your SIL's a twunt. Forget about her, forget about replying and have an amazing time. Venice is magical at this time of year. My only advice is to literally get lost- some gorgeous, quiet, romantic streets off the beaten track