Leaving the home. Best option?

[thatsnotmynamereally]

I'm sure that others are dealing with this issue. It is implied in LTB that leaving is the best or only option and of course it is. But financially it's such a minefield. And it seems unfair, the man behaves like a sh*t and the woman has to pack up and go (unless grounds exist for an occupation order).

I've found a nice place to rent, our family home would go on the market, kids are basically grown and out of the house. So is the distance and presumably my new-found peace of mind (although who knows?) worth the 10k+ it's going to cost (rental over xx months) or should I but the bullet and live with him while we de-couple? He's a total sh*t but not violent. Any stories, is it all nice once you've LTB?

By the way, I'm asking this hypothetically, I may have a bit of money to spare (all my worldly savings if that's spare) but am wondering about others, could the cost of a rental to get away from an abusive man be taken out of divorce settlement?

I would always recommend moving when a relationship breaks down. Emotionally and mentally I think it's best for everyone. There may be associated costs and the hassle of packing, unpacking etc is never good but the feeling of freedom of not having to put up with ex's crap anymore is AMAZING.

Oh it is so nice once you have left :)

I suppose whether you try to live "together but separated" or live apart is just a matter of personal situation. If the children are grown and gone then it won't make much difference from that point of view.

My ex was not violent so I was not in danger in that way, although if he is violent towards inanimate objects, don't assume that - he might just be not violent "yet". In fact my ex went on to be violent in his next relationship after me, so perhaps I was in more danger than I realised. I have also read accounts on here where the first incidence of violence was quite extreme. So be careful!

Anyway, I ended up moving out rather than staying separated-but-living-together with my ex because every time I tried to talk about us splitting he would get very angry and/or upset and refuse to engage in the conversation. It became impossible and in the end I just left because he would not discuss it at all.

I don't think I agree with your premise at all. However, in the event of a split I think that the happiness of the children comes first, then your happiness and fairness is way down the list.

Huh? Wrong thread?

No, I was responding to the OP.

Just reread op, meant bite the bullet not but! I think wa and lundy recommend leaving. But who should bear the cost. Not easy. It must be worth it?

I think it varies from case to case. Circumstances don't always mean that both parties can physically leave. Sometimes the financial settlement is needed to pay for the next phase of people's lives & sometimes it isn't. If there are children there might be an incentive to minimise disruption or there might be an incentive to get two households set up quickly. If there's abuse or bad feeling involved, that alters things again. Entirely individual

The legal advice - assuming a level of civility can be maintained - is not to leave.