feel like men are always trying to control me

[conway]

After been with my controlling soon to be ex Hubbie for 19 years feel I am fed up with been controlled.
Going through divorce (filed by me) and still living together with out two boys.
My solicitor(male) has found out he has not disclosed all his financial information and is suggesting we get an actuary report once we have all the financial information.
My Ex is trying to get me to settle out of court and hasn't given me a bad settlement but won't get an actuary,.
I don't know what to do as feel inadequate in making a big decision and feel I am been pushed one way by my Ex and another by my solicitor.
Just want it to be all over

I'm sorry you're going through such a hard time. It sounds really tough and really difficult.

Don't be hard on yourself for feeling inadequate to make a decision right now - you are in a very stressful situation and that would impair anyone's decision making capabilities.

It sounds as if your solicitor IS trying to do the best thing by you. But I'd you're not sure can you get some independent advice? Maybe the CAB? I'm not really sure where you could ask but there must be somewhere...

Good luck. As my mum always says "this too will pass"

Thank you for your kind words definitely helps.I am not sure why I am falling apart now as have done the hard part of actually starting the divorce. maybe it is delayed shock!
Also bad day as bad cold, Bad period,Peri-menopause, One child off school with a bad cold and ex here too as working from home!

If you're anything like me, you will start noticing a lot of suddenly intolerable attempts at control, not just by individual people, but by entire corporations, social and economic systems, etc...

Maybe see this as a positive sign that you are now looking out for your own best interests, and feeling the self-protective twinges you should be feeling when others are trying to push you in their own preferred direction?

For the specific issue at hand, evaluate each on its own merits, and see which of the two proposal you prefer for the benefits that it brings you, irrespective of which person suggested it.
Maybe you'll even think of your own third option!

Noticing is the first step to preventing it. People try to control each other all the time. Not wanting to be controlled helps you avoid it, but now you recognise it you'll start to develop lots of strategies to avoid it and even use it to your advantage. It's like aikido - use your opponents' strength against them.

I think it's also important to develop a really strong inner compass that guides you to what you want - if you don't know what you want then you can be more easily manipulated.

Your solicitor wants to get you a fair settlement and pensions are part of it. He is on your side so in your shoes I would take the advice.

Your solicitor is paid to offer advice that is in your best interests and, as they will have done this kind of thing many times before, they may appear to be pushing you in a particular direction and not taking your feelings into account. If their approach is too instructional, if you don't understand the reasons for the recommendations, if you don't feel included in the decision-making process then you can tell them to go back over it. They work for you....

You are paying the solicitor to give you good advice and he is.
It is irrelevant whether he is male or female.

Let him fight on your behalf, for what is due to you.

there's a difference between the two things
your ex is trying to control you, to your potential detriment
your solicitor is trying to do what they are paid to, whether male or female, that is get you what is due to you and prevent you being screwed over (and thus controlled) by your ex

take your solicitors advice