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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Can I only Partially Change my Name after Divorce

38 replies

charlie9 · 06/03/2015 09:43

I am recently divorced and as soon as the Absolute came through
I changed my name with my bank. Since then, I've got cold feet about having a different name to my DC's. Does anyone know if I can just change my name on certain things and leave it as my married name on others?

OP posts:
Nolim · 06/03/2015 09:48

No advise here but wouldnt it be very impractical? Probably you can use a name professionally and another for the bank etc, but other than that it sounds like a pita.

currentnameinuse · 06/03/2015 09:53

I don't think it would work. Having different names on different things won't be practical will it?

EhricLovesTheBhrothers · 06/03/2015 09:54

Which name would you refer to yourself as? Probably better to just keep that one. You can use two names as long as you aren't doing it for fraud purposes but what's the point?

CheersMedea · 06/03/2015 10:01

Just to let you know, if you have 2 names you can run into unforeseen difficulties if you need ID.

This happened with a friend of mine who is a professional not on divorce but following marriage. When she got married she wanted to take her husband's name in her personal life/private life but keep her maiden name for work (it was her brand name effectively).

So she changed all her stuff like passports etc but left her bank accounts in her maiden name for business.

I can't remember what it was (some security clearance to visit a secure building or a mortgage or something) but she needed photo ID and "bank" (latest bill) ID. She had so many problems because the photo id name (on her passport and driving licence) didn't match the bank id name and it caused her hours and hours of red tape wrangling.

CheersMedea · 06/03/2015 10:02

I suppose what I'm saying is it's fine to have 2 names but you probably need to keep at least one form of photo ID consistent with each name.

CogitoErgoSometimes · 06/03/2015 10:05

I know a couple of women that use a married name for family things and their original name for work or finance-related matters. So pretty much everywhere - banks, utilities, driving licence - knows them as 'Ms Smith' for example but the school knows them as 'Mrs Jones'. I remember one having a bit of a problem booking a solo holiday with her children because their passports had different names and the travel agent thought it could cause an issue at the airport. I think she subsequently changed her passport to her married name.

charlie9 · 06/03/2015 10:48

It must happen all the time, that mums who are divorced and changed their name, take children with different names on holiday. Do you just need to take more ID with you to the airport?

OP posts:
CogitoErgoSometimes · 06/03/2015 11:00

I can't remember what the specific problem was but I know she opted to change her passport as the easiest solution. FWIW I have a lot of friends in Belgium where the custom is that the wife never takes the husband's surname, but the children do. (They think the English tradition is bizarre) So there must be ways around it. I think the answer is to do a bit of research.

Fiddlerontheroof · 06/03/2015 11:03

I just kept my married name, and everything....I didn't want a different name to the kids. I'm still a Mrs in school, it frankly doesn't bother me at all...it would bother me far more if I constantly had to tell people or correct them. X

tempo · 06/03/2015 11:23

I never changed my surname (which made things a whole load easier when we divorced).

The only issue is at passport control at UK airports (never encountered it elsewhere) where they make a whole song and dance about my son having a different surname (as if we were the only people in the world.....!). So I now always carry a copy of his birth certificate when we travel. Otherwise I don't see there being an issue about having different surnames.

Meerka · 06/03/2015 11:46

regarding travelling abroad, I am ex pat and have a different surname to our kids (didn't change name on marriage).

Every time I go through security either in the Uk or in the NL I take a letter signed by husband saying I'm going on holiday to the UK from xx date til xx date and he's given full permission. Letter has to have his name on and mine and the kids' names plus contact number. Also our home address because it's not actually on the passports.

One day it'll get tougher I think. A security man in the NL told me that in future you might need it stamped by a lawyer.

Silly thing is that my husband can just waltz through security because his name is the same as the kids', but he could just as well be kidnapping them!

Nolim · 06/03/2015 12:02

That is good to know meerka.

Is that an actual legal requirement or just something in case the immigration guy is being difficult?

Meerka · 06/03/2015 12:09

at this moment there's no legal requirement afaik.

But without some sort of letter, you could end up having a long and boring chat with someone in a back room and maybe missing your connecting train. Narrowly escaped that the first time; fortunately my then 3 yo started whining that he wanted to go home and can't we see papa, mama, why do we have to stay here? The security guy weighed it up and let us through but told me it would be much better to carry a letter, and what to put in it, bless him. He was only doing his job and far better to be a bit too careful than too slack over this sort of thing.

Nolim · 06/03/2015 12:12

Perfect performance by your son!

Thanks.

Meerka · 06/03/2015 12:15

yes, I was gonig for the last train home and we were both absolutely tired out so it was lucky he chose that moment to start whining :)

it is worth keeping an eye on the legal requirements though about letters of permission. Security are becoming heavier about this all the time and one day it will be made a legal requirement, I'm sure.

Meerka · 06/03/2015 12:27

hmmm www.gov.uk/permission-take-child-abroad

"You automatically have parental responsibility if you’re the child’s mother, but you still need the permission of anyone else with parental responsibility before you take the child abroad."

so the tricky bit is actually proving you have parental permissoin from the father, if you don't have a letter. You don't have to have one by law but how else do you prove it? Bit of a grey area.

"A letter from the person with parental responsibility for the child is usually enough to show you’ve got permission to take them abroad. You might be asked for the letter at a UK or foreign border, or if there’s a dispute about taking a child abroad. The letter should include the other person’s contact details and details about the trip.

It also helps if you’ve:

evidence of your relationship with the child, eg a birth or adoption certificate
a divorce or marriage certificate, if you are a single parent but your family name is different from the child’s"

It's definitely not only been the UK security though, the Dutch security are jsut as careful. Letter worked fine though.

(actually in terms of grey areas, iirc if you are born to a british parent you are british but you don't need a british birth certificate. You're British whether you have one or not. The problem ofc is actually proving it! So in effect you need the birth certificate but technically you're British anyway).

Nolim · 06/03/2015 12:33

Thanks for the wealth of info meerka! :)

And btw we too are expats (not british) but we do have a british birth certificate so that should help.

Provencalroseparadox · 06/03/2015 12:50

I have different names on different things - through marriage rather than divorce. It's never caused me an issue. If I need to use something that has my maiden name on it for ID I take it along with my marriage certificate and it's always been fine.

Meerka · 06/03/2015 12:50

yw :)

charlie9 · 06/03/2015 13:06

Thank you for all the info. Looks like I just need to make my mind up about whether to change my name for everything and have additional hassle at the airport.

OP posts:
youmakemydreams · 06/03/2015 13:13

I have used both names since marriage and have never had any problems. Generally when I was in a situation where my married name was used but I needed id a copy of my marriage certificate sufficed.
I can honestly say I've never had a problem and I have been 3 names for 6 years now.

youmakemydreams · 06/03/2015 13:13

2 names not 3 Confused

tempo · 06/03/2015 13:14

the strange thing about airports is that being questioned (and they have also questioned my son aged 6 or 7 !) has only ever happened (on about 5 occasions now) coming back into the UK, not leaving the country. Which is odd, bearing in mind we are both UK passport holders !

I wasn't even questioned by US immigration, who are notoriously difficult, or on leaving the UK when we flew out to Morocco from where I believe there are no relative extradition agreements.

Personally I don't believe letters are worth the paper they are written on, to be honest. I could so easily forge a letter from my ex-husband, how would passport control know one way or the other if he had written/signed it!?

Birth certificate at least has my name on it !

Meerka · 06/03/2015 13:26

yeah I could easily have forged the letter too. it's not exactly reliable.

ProbablyMe · 06/03/2015 13:43

I changed my name back to my maiden name and had no problems with passport control and my 4 DS. We went abroad with my DP and his DDs and our group therefore had three different surnames and nobody blinked an eye.

Personally, continuing to be called Mrs xxxx made my skin crawl and I couldn't wait to change my name. I don't have any issue with the boys having their dad's surname though at all.