How to let go and move on?

[JuiceInAWineGlass14]

Hi
This is the first time I have posted and mostly spent my time over on aibu.
Always saw people saying this would be better in relationships so here I am.
I have been with my partner for nearly 7 years and feel that like most people we have our ups and downs. He on the other hand has mostly downs.

When we first met we quickly got pregnant ( not through trying as we used contraception) and made the choice to try and make it work.
We slowly built a relationship and he changed his life around. We were only young but he lived the party life style to the extreme. He got promoted at work and i like to think with support from myself i helped.

Over the years he has down moments, Has never been to the doctors for depression but i think this is a factor. He is a negative person where as i try to look on the positive. A few times a year he will tell me that he dosn't know how he feels about me and only sees me as a friend. I cry a lot he dosn't say a lot and then its always just worked its self out and then we end up back been in the relationship.

We don't just have bad times we have some great times too but while i think this is normal i think he thinks we should be amazing all the time and live in a Disney film.

This month has been very stressful for him at work and for me at home and work. He has again said that he dosn't know how he feels about me.
My heart is telling me to fight for him to keep the family together but my head says move on.

My question i guess is how do i move on when i don't want to. I feel as though my future although not stable at times has been taken away from me. I love going places as a family and spending time together. How do i be strong for the children and not crumble.

I'm sorry my spelling is terrible despite using spell check!!

I don't really know what to say about this but didn't want to not respond.

Poor you... it sounds like a difficult situation. Could you go to your GP and explain how you feel? Ask to be referred for counselling?

Is there anyone in real life you could talk to about this?

Sorry.
I am new to posting on here and didn't realise you had replied.
I have family that I have spoken to but his side say to just wait he will sort time self out then my side say let him go.
It's so hard because I want to be a family and be happy and feel like that is out of my controll. I feel sorry for the kids as they at the moment are acting like they have to keep us together, going between each of us and saying they love us.
I was looking on the internet for help in my local area but they charge £40 was the cheapest and I just can't afford this. Is it cheaper through the doctors?
The hard thing too is that he is still living in the house although sleeping on the sofa. I feel like I'm in limbo and having to be nice and carry in as if everything is ok for the kids when I just want to scream at him what is he doing!

This is harsh but I wouldn't stay with a man who had depression, especially one who says he doesn't love me. It's mean I know but you're young and only get one life. Live it.

Even if he is proactive about improving his mental health it can take 10 years or more, it's an exceptionally slow process. How many years before he takes it seriously? Then add 10 years to that. You want to wait that long?

I think your children are suffering - you know this- and staying would compound that and give them lifelong psychological problems. Seriously.
Are there trusted friends you can talk to? Not people who see relationships as essential no matter what. And your Gp could arrange counselling - there's usually a waiting list. Go to relate if you both want to work on your relationship but really don't bother if he's dragging his feet. Life's way too short to waste on this.
It sounds like he doesn't want to be with you, depression or not. He's been extremely cruel with his lukewarm responses and you really do deserve better. Being on tyour own would surely be less mentally damaging than with a person who doesn't like you.

What you're describing is unpleasant and I suspect manipulative behaviour. Relationships can and do fail all the time. People can and do feel differently about each other. But to tell someone that they are no longer loved and then do nothing about it is cruelty . It seems to me that this repeated rejection is designed to make you anxious, insecure and on your toes keeping him happy. Nasty stuff

It is truly saddening that even your children are being roped into the same manipulation and believe it is their job to make the adults in their life happy. You have no idea how damaging it can be to a child's self-confidence to grow up in that environment, believing that their parents are miserable because they didn't try hard enough. If/when you do split up, you'll have to shift heaven and earth to make sure they don't think it's their fault

What are your living circumstances? Do you own or rent? Do you have independent or joint finances? Do you have friends or family that know how miserable your life really is?

I think you're going to have to take the initiative, start preparing for life as an independent woman and get plenty of advice, information and RL support.