imessage related - what is my husband up to?

[fairfatforty]

Will try to keep this brief.

DH has an iphone and ipad which he keeps with him at all times. I suspect he is messaging someone (OW?) as sometimes when I'm on the imac something flashes up, quickly disappears.

I asked him, he denied. Tonight he is abroad and again something flashed up, this time a mobile number also abroad but not where he is right now. I couldn't see any detail of any message.

This is suspicious isn't it?

I thought tomorrow when I see him I will ask him to show me both his phone and ipad but really don't want to.

Any advice?

(will be on and off MN tonight as I am babysitting neighbour's kids)

If they are disappearing that quickly from the other devices, and he has deleted them, there would be nothing to see and you asking would just make him more careful.

If you are convinced you could go down the path of telling him you have seen him and his only option is to be honest. Make him think you know more than you do.

Sorry I meant "seen them" not seen "him"

yes, him being careful is a worry, he's more techy than me and will no doubt delete anything incriminatory.

If you have so little trust in him and are truly as unsurprised as you appear to conclude that "he will no doubt delete anything incriminatory" then why are you with him at all ?

has he form for cheating ?

Imessages can still be retrieved, even after they've been deleted.
Don't suppose you two share an iTunes or iCloud account OP ?

AF, this is a long term relationship, no history of cheating but I just think he'll deny. I did think I might write him a letter saying I was suspicious, that would be easier.

Gin - we all share the same itunes and icloud.

I agree with AF. It could easily be a male/female colleague/friend.

If I felt like you do about my husband, my marriage would be over even with proof of cheating or not.

AF, yes you're right but if there is something I would like to work things out. I strongly believe in 'for better for worse'.

Ah. So it's the case that you want to know what you are dealing with. Then maybe you should tell him that you are willing to forgive if he just comes clean about anything he has been up to.

You have already convinced yourself he is lying though, and will continue to lie...so stalemate

Not sure where you would go from there, apart from living in an atmosphere of mistrust and insecurity

which takes me back to my original point....

Good points there; I'll maybe leave the imessage 'up' on the imac and ask him about it tomorrow.

That is what I would do. Openly ask him about it, see where it takes you.

If you know this man well, you will probably know if he is lying or not regardless of whether he has deleted the messages. If I were you I would ask him. Don't expect the worst though, there is always a chance that the messages are completely innocent.

Thanks.

I know, did wonder if it was one of the teenagers in the house as we all share itunes but I don't think so.

Best get back to my babysitting.

Thanks again.

You need to learn how to screen grab so you can save the next thing that pops up.