why is life so difficult sometimes??!!

[lostmummy12]

Not sure why I'm posting really, prob just to get all this out if my head.
Bkgd- dh had a year long on/off affair 8 months ago,
We are moving on together & generally getting on well day to day etc
My problem is at the moment I keep finding myself bringing up the affair at every opportunity as a "dig", I don't want to cause a row or upset him, but it just comes out, sometimes he ignores it,sometimes storms off telling ME how much I've upset him, and sometimes asks me why I'm feeling bad & do I need a hug.
I'm scared that I do it to "test" him & see if he will hug me or tell me he's had enough, can't go on like this & leave- which is not what either of us want.
I also find lately that if we have any eye contact, it makes me feel like crying and I get upset,
Not helpful when he's trying so hard to show me affection and rebuild things ...
As I say, not sure why I'm telling u all this, but sometimes feels better to have it all out of my head.... X

Hi Lostmummy. I have not had any experience of this but just wanted to ask if you or both of you have had any counselling? Maybe you need some external support to get you through this.

I think it's a matter of time. Eight months isn't long to get over an emotional trauma, which is what his affair was for you. It would have impacted on you deeply.

I think you will find yourself referring to it for a while to come, but eventually it will come up less and less.

Your dh will probably have to suck up your ongoing outrage about his affair with good grace because it's a genuine consequence of his behaviour. He can't dodge the fall out, and you can't just snap your fingers and be over it just like that....even if that would be ideal.

Time is the healer I'm afraid.

It sounds like you still have a lot of upset and anger at him, which is understandable.

As a PP said, have you had counselling together? or separately?

Thanks all,
No, not had counselling as I didn't like the idea of talking stuff thru with a stranger, or anyone else really- oy 1 friend knows...
Am beginning to think maybe I should visit gp tho as I am worried that my behaviour will scupper things (ironically...)
X