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Would you believe this..?

14 replies

ElsaOfEmmerdale · 04/03/2015 21:30

Met boyfriend 6 months ago on POF.
Everything lovely and quite plain sailing. We sort of both said to each other a few weeks in that we weren't dating other people.
He calls me his girlfriend.
I deleted my POF profile about 12 weeks in. Hadn't logged in for ages. I didn't tell him but checked the status of his and he seemed to have hidden it, I could only find it by username search, which was fine by me, I felt confident enough about us. He certainly hasn't had time to date anyone else and he's open with his phone etc.
He had a new phone and I knew he hadn't reinstalled any dating apps.

Two days ago, my friend messaged me to tell me that he had come up on POF in her search as "online today".

I asked him about it and he said he hadn't deleted his account and he often still gets emails from POF, you know like the weekly matches and events in the area. He said he usually just ignores them but he was messing about on his phone and clicked on the link. Phone remembers his passwords and logged him in. Said He was just messing around lazily.

He apologised profusely. Said if it had been the other way around, he'd be upset. Said he felt guilty like he'd been "caught out" but assured me he's happy and he would happily delete it.

I am/was happy to believe him that he's not looking around. Like I said, I've felt like we are good. But one thing is niggling me....

If he had hidden his profile a few months ago, surely he has logged in and unhidden it at some point in order for my friend to see him? That's more than just a clicking on a link and lazily messing around with his phone?

Am I being naive? Does it matter?

OP posts:
ivykaty44 · 04/03/2015 21:39

Are you sure a few months ago his profile was hidden? You state you found it - even if you found it by inputting his user name you still found it so it wasn't hidden

ElsaOfEmmerdale · 04/03/2015 21:40

Yeah on POF, you can hide your profile so it doesn't appear on any lists but if somebody searches your username your profile will come up

OP posts:
ElsaOfEmmerdale · 04/03/2015 21:42

I guess there is a chance that I missed it in the general searches when I looked, but I don't think thats likely

OP posts:
fuzzyduck1 · 04/03/2015 22:31

When you go onto that type of site there are always echos that come back and haunt you.

Don't get stressed about it and be leave him

he'll probably get the e-mails from some Russan girl that e was "CHATTING" online to with all the princes that needs to use your bank account to transfer millions and millions from Iraq, Afganistan or any other place they can convince you of to get money out of you

TokenGinger · 04/03/2015 22:52

I'm torn on this one. I'm usually the do-gooder and always encourage the OP to look on the most rationale side of things.

However, I'd be asking after 6 months why on earth he is even still signes up to it. Hidden or not.

imjustahead · 05/03/2015 11:39

so your friend saw him on a general search?

that means it wasn't hidden at all.

pocketsaviour · 05/03/2015 11:46

But he hadn't at any point said to you "I've hidden my profile", is that right? I would say if you have no other reason not to believe him, then I wouldn't worry about it. His reaction I think sounds genuine (obviously you know him though and I don't!)

I haven't used POF but I think with OKC, if you click on a link in an email, it makes your profile active again. Certainly you come up as having been online recently.

SonnyJimBob · 05/03/2015 11:54

If it was ever hidden, it became un-hidden by his own doing. That would worry me, because it means he was doing more than just "clicking a link".

I would be inclined to think he was having a browse and seeing what's out there after a trial period of monogamy.

I don't think he is being honest. If you're in a comitted relationship, what is the need for a dating profile, unless you've kept it as a 'plan B'. And why would you even need a Plan B?

Saltedcaramel2014 · 05/03/2015 12:02

I would use this as an opportunity to talk about the relationship in general and where you both feel it's going.

DowntownFunk · 05/03/2015 14:49

If he has a new phone, why would it remember the password?

Quitelikely · 05/03/2015 14:52

He's hilarious!

He feels guilty does he? Yes that's because he's been caught out!

He hasn't cheated on you but he has lied to you.

Relationships without trust aren't very nice. Good luck

letscookbreakfast · 05/03/2015 14:56

I'm assuming that the BF uses Google Chrome on his phone as that syncs usernames and passwords across devices, in fact I even think that iPhones do the same thing. Clicking on the link in the email could well have un-hidden his profile.

OP his reaction seems okay to me but only you can be the judge of it.

blueberrypie0112 · 05/03/2015 15:08

This living rearrangement is silly and needs to end. Especially when people are getting hostile over it. He seem to think he is in a relationship because you allow him to stay.

If he won't have his kids at his flat then it is his loss. I don't think he is into his kids if he talks like that.

blueberrypie0112 · 05/03/2015 15:10

Sorry, wrong post. I don't understand, I click on a thread to reply, it keeps taking me to another thread

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