Fears over travelling (trigger warning)

[WingsofNylon]

A long time ago I was abused and raped and it has had all sort of impacts on my life. Recently though I have turned a bit of a corner with it having finally found a therapy that seems to work. (Though that is over now) So in a sense I have put the past to rest but I still worry a lot about it happening again.

Recently DP and I have been talking seriously about career breaks and taking a year off to see what there is to see in the world. While I love the idea I worry a lot about being hurt again. When travelling you just are so much more vulnerable. I want to talk to him about this fear but what good will it do? I dont want it to become the elephant in the room - he knows about my past.

I have been looking at door stoppers and personal alarms to take with us, but really having those wont help me feel much safer. I dont even mind admitting that those much criticised anti-rape pants crossed my mindI just want to feel a bit safer.

Any advice? Ive struggled to find self-defence classes in my area.

Hi Wings, I am a sexual assault survivor and I did use to struggle with travelling. I would recommend having a very honest discussion with your DP and explain that if you do this, he is going to have to be very protective and supportive of you if and when you feel vulnerable.

That means he will need to commit to certain things while you are away. Whatever makes you feel safe. EG He should not drink to the point where he can't take care of himself and you. He should make sure both your mobiles are always charged, and all relevant contact and emergency details are in there. The places you stay should always have security locks on the doors. You get the idea - whatever measures are necessary to make you feel secure.

From your side of things, I think having some more counselling that is focussed specifically on your worries about travel may help you (and of course have long term benefits as well.) If you set the date for this trip for (e.g.) April 2016, that would also give you time to pursue either self-defence classes or a more typical boxing or kickboxing class.

I think what's really important is that you don't go unless you feel confident in your partner's support.

WingsofNylon,

as pocketsaviour wrote, you need to make your DH understand how you feel and your fears if he doesn't already. And if it means not travelling because that will be too much for you then so be it.

When I was married I would have made sure my wife was comfortable and secure before doing anything if she had your been through what you have.

I wish you good luck.

Thank you both. For some reason it hadn't occurred to me that he could play a role in helping me work out if I can feel okay enough to go. I am going to talk it through with him.

Hello Wings

You are a survivor, please dont let the past cast a shadow on your future

I love travelling !

If you are able to travel locally where you live, then abroad is no different

Most of it is common sense

But, Keep your wits about you !

Suggest going for a short break somewhere together before you go off on a big adventure to see how you "feel"

Suggested tips

1. Must have travel insurance
2. If in Europe take E111 health card
3. Get injections before you go
4. Take emergency money
5. Take credit cards
6. Agree to stay together even if you have a big arguement on the travels
7. People will be friendly, sometimes over friendly, be wary that they may be trying to scam you in some way or steal
8. Only drink bottled water (some street sellers fill up empty bottles)
9. No ice in drinks
10. Use safes in hotel
11. Take photocopies of passport
12. Eat freshly prepared hot food
13. Take some medical supplies
14. Agree to look after one another if ill or in an accident or emergency situation
15. Take paper copies of your itinery of hotels, travel documents, maps, tickets
16. Universal travel plug adapter
17. Watch out for extra large measures of alcohol in drinks
18. Dont take drugs
19. Dont carry anything for anyone onto a plane or to another country
20. Some people will try to get you into their shops, hotels, bars, trips, taxis etc it is because they want you to spend your money. If you dont want to go be polite, but firm
21. Take scarf, long sleeved shirt to cover arms, long trousers incase you need to cover up to visit eg church, sunburn
22. Take solar charger
23. Learn a few words in language of place due to visit
24. Do not pack too much "stuff" ! - if you are travelling for more than 2 weeks, you can buy most things abroad eg extra clothes, shoes, food, medecine - dont forget you will need to carry it ! If your limit is 23kg take 10kg less, then you can bring stuff back from your travels...
25. Solar/wind up torch
26. Dont be afraid to ask for help eg if you get lost etc
27. Not everywhere has mobile phone signal or internet

Good luck x