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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Help - not sure what is wrong with me and I'm pushing DH away.

15 replies

Loueytb3 · 04/03/2015 10:35

I don't really know where to start with this but I think DH and I are in trouble, I think its my fault and I'm not sure what to do.

For a while I've been feeling not myself – I can't really put my finger on what is wrong. I'm very tired (even after a reasonable night's sleep), really irritable, generally not feeling myself. I am really ratty with the kids and DH says that he feels like he's walking on eggshells. My brain is often foggy and I'm finding it difficult to concentrate. My memory is awful at the moment.

Work has been very busy, I always seem to have a million things to do but that hasn't really changed. More than that though is that DH thinks I don't love him anymore. I think mainly because he feels like I don't want to be close to him. Sometimes I can't bear him touching me. But I don't think its him, more me. I actually feel like I don't want any man to touch me. My libido has virtually disappeared but when we do have sex it is (usually) very good. But the more that DH makes obvious overtures about sex, the more I don't want him near me. He says I don't cuddle him or kiss him spontaneously either. He asked me if I was having an affair (I'm not). He is desperate to know what is going on. So am I. I can't give him a sensible answer.

Is this normal – am I just bloody knackered or is there something else going on. And more to the point, what do I do about it?

OP posts:
operaha · 04/03/2015 11:01

place marking as could have written thingsSad Sad Sad

hope you get some answers, it's exhausting. Thanks

operaha · 04/03/2015 11:01

*this

FryOneFatManic · 04/03/2015 11:03

I suggest a trip to the GP. Your post has reminded me of a couple of people. 1 has thyroid problems, the other is diabetic. There are also other possibilites, so to start with I'd get checked out.

Datingagain · 04/03/2015 11:05

Good grief, I could have written this too. No advice, I'm afraid, but you're not alone...X

pocketsaviour · 04/03/2015 11:07

It sounds as if you are depressed from what you describe. Sometimes depression can just develop even if there haven't been any real changes in your life... things can just build up (like stress at work) until you reach a low point like what you are describing now.

I second the suggestion of going to the GP.

Original poster
Loueytb3 · 04/03/2015 11:28

I did wonder about depression but I'm not teary. Mainly very grumpy. I think most people outside of our house would think I was the same as normal. But maybe I'm good a putting on a front.

I nearly booked an appt to see the GP last week but then got busy with work and left it. There is a particular one I would like to see (female) and I suspect I will have to wait for a slot. There are too many things going on with work/schools over the next couple of weeks to organise.

FryOne - yes thyroid had crossed my mind, as had menopause, although it would be early.

In a weird way, its comforting to know I'm not the only one.

OP posts:
ohsotired45 · 04/03/2015 11:55

Are you using Depo or any birth control that might be affecting you? I had to quit Depo after 2 years, because it was making me very hormonal, moody and it killed my libido.

Original poster
Loueytb3 · 04/03/2015 11:57

I've got a mirena coil in.

OP posts:
imaconfused · 04/03/2015 17:15

I had the Mirena and had all those symptoms too. Best get to the gp and I'd recommend trying another form of birth control. I didn't know what was going on with me at the time and it was like I'd turned into a right moody monster.

OhNoNotMyBaby · 04/03/2015 17:23

Do you love your DH though? It might be a physical / hormonal issue but it might also be you falling out of love. And I'm sorry if saying this triggers greater anxiety but I've been there and seen it with others too. This could be the beginnings of a recognition within yourself that you don't feel the same way about your DH as you used to.

This doesn't mean you have to head for the divorce courts! It just means learning not to be afraid of your feelings, understanding that you need to articulate them and that you need to try to work things out.

Hiding or trying to supress these feelings will not work.

boole · 04/03/2015 17:26

OP, I posted something quite similar yesterday, I've been feeling very much how you describe yourself.
I don't use Mirena or any hormonal birth control, so our situations are different, but do go to your GP.
I already feel better (relieved I suppose) for having talked to someone about it. Although I was in floods of tears earlier this afternoon!

CogitoErgoSometimes · 04/03/2015 17:33

I'd also suggest you make that GP appointment. I think the way you're feeling could easily be symptomatic of a physical illness and I think they will run a few tests for obvious causes. Good luck and hope you feel better soon

ROARmeow · 04/03/2015 19:08

I often feel like this too!!! Must show this thread to DH.

I put the blame down to the pill - felt so hormonal constantly and was bleeding too much.

Chucked all my pills away (7 days ago) so I'm waiting to see if I feel any better/worse over the next month.

Original poster
Loueytb3 · 04/03/2015 20:17

Do I still love my DH? I think so. I know I would be devastated if anything happened to him. We've been together for 22 years, its a long time. The little things that irritated me about him are becoming more irritating as we get older but I am not sure that that it is unusual. And I'm much less tolerant/patient when I'm tired. But if I am falling out with love with him, how do I get things back again?

Imaconfused - I don't think its Mirena as I've been on low dose progesterone only pills for years before that and it is a similar hormone as I understand it. Also its been in for 3 years and its only more recently that I've felt like this.

boole - will go and have a look at your thread. I do bottle things up and talking to DH about things (even if he is even more confused than ever) has helped a bit I think. At least its out in the open.

The weird thing about the tiredness is that I do a fair bit of exercise (3-4x a week) and I can happily do that still despite feeling really knackered. Although to be fair, I tend to do that in the morning/lunchtime and I'm most grouchy in the evening. Exercising makes me feel better on the whole.

OP posts:
mattsmith93 · 05/03/2015 07:09

It aounds like it might be depression as My wife is exactly like this ( she was diagnosed with pnd a gew months ago) there's a few differences but mostly the same, she's extremely tired even after a long nights sleep, every weekend she'll stay in bed for a couple of hours, she is very snappy with me and she tries to push me a away I'd I cuddle her at night or roll over to get away from me. I would suggest you go and see your gp not just for you well being but also for your DH as it will help him to understand why you are acting like this. Before my wife was diagnosed I used to think she didn't love me and we were close to splitting up but now I understand that she does love me and that the way she acts is something that she can't control.

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