15 year age gap?

[JammyGem]

Over known my male friend for a couple of years now and there has always been a lot of flirting and chemistry between us.

Things all came to a head a few weeks ago on a mutual friend's celebration down the pub where we ended up going home together. We've been texting constantly since and he's stayed the night a few times. Everything is great, we both really like each other, have a similar sense of humour, similar world views, and have a real good time around each other.

Only issue is the age gap. I'm only 23 and he's 38. I know he is very wary of what people think and to be honest, I'm the same. But having spoken to a close friend, she says to go for it as.we're both clearly smitten and it doesn't matter what people think, and also pointed out that my own parents have 14 years between them.

I feel like if I were older myself, such an age gap wouldn't matter, but being only in my 20s I really do worry what people think.
I also worry I'm getting ahead of myself as it's obviously very early days yet!

Any thoughts?

My friend has a twenty two year age-gap between her and her DH, very happy marriage, although they met when she was in her 30s. I am 8 years older than DH and he was 23 when we met, we did break up for a while due mainly to the age gap, but got back together a couple of years later and it is now 20 years since we met. Why not go out with him, you both like each other, you are both adults, go for it!

You're the same age my sister was when she got together with her partner, same age gap and everything.

They've been together nearly two years now, live together, and seem really happy. For her it was a major thing as he also has three kids(!) and it's her first serious relationship. I think it sometimes looks like a massive age gap because he really looks his age and is tall and built, whereas she's really little and skinny.

But I think if you really like each other, you're both adults, you can make your own choices, and it can really work. I'll admit I had my reservations at first for my sister but only because I didn't want her to get hurt. Good luck OP!

Me and Dh have the same gap and got together at around your ages too. That was nearly 11 years ago We're now married with Dc. We were a little self conscious of what people thought for the first few months, then we got used to it and it's been fine. So I'd say don't worry about it

You are exactly the same age as DH and I were when we met. I must do it, when we got serious (quite quickly as we'd also been friends for a while) his family could be forgiven for thinking he was having an early mid life crisis

But, more than a decade on, we have married, a lovely DS and as I've matured and he's mellowed, the age gap has virtually vanished.

Before I had DS I did have a little wobble about wanting to go clubbing and all that stuff, but I think I'd have done that anyway cos I was facing parenthood. DH was very chilled and gave me the space I needed, I'll be forever grateful for that.

I accept that I'll probably be alone in my later years but that's what cats and dogs and kids are for hopefully!

Good luck with it OP :)

I must admit - typo!

Many of the happiest marriages I know have similar gaps. Go for it!

I have two friends with 30 yr relationships / marriages and that age gap. We were in our 20's when they met the men who became their dh's. Of course these men seemed so much older to us at the time - LOL. During most of their lives the gap really didn't matter. Now that we are in our 60's their dh's are in their 80's and yes, they are a lot older in many ways - but they are both very active men and clearly the relationships have been absolutely right for both pairs.

Thank you for all your comments and sorry for the late reply.

I'm glad there's so much positivity, it makes me feel a lot better. As I said it's early days, but it's nice to know I shouldn't worry too much if/when it gets more serious.

I actually spoke to my DM and she's been great, she joked that her biggest problem would be his nationality, so that's made me feel a lot happier too.

My ex was 17 years older than me, we got together when we were 20 and 37 and stayed together 3 years.
We had known eachother about 2 years previous to this so i thought i knew his good and bad side.
I was wrong and he turned out to be controlling, manipulative bully who treated me like a child.
Ofcourse this isnt all due to the age gap but i wouldnt have a big age gap again

OK - so what's the nationality issue? cultural differences might be more significant in that any problems you do face because of age differences might be horribly increased if there are any major cultural ones.

My worry would be when you're in your 60s and he's in his 80s. It becomes a huge difference

I actually think the gap widens as couples get older.

My mum is 63 and extremely youthful. A 78-year old is not. Think very carefully - you may end up being a carer for many years when you are still fit and youthful. I've seen it happen with my mum's friend whose husband is older and she is now virtually a full-time carer.

Me and DP have 21 years between us. I'm 28 he is 49. I was wary in the beginning and we were a bit on/off at one point due to the age gap and my nerves about it but I quickly realised that I was smitten and couldn't be without him no matter how old he was . We are so happy now

My dh was 12 years older than me, we met when I was 18 and he was 30 and had 22 happy (mostly, obviously, no rose coloured specs here!) years together before I nursed him through terminal cancer 5 years ago. It never mattered to us, although a few of my Uni friends felt it was 'disgusting' and never spoke to us again, we were people not ages. I guess I'd always known he was likely to die before me but neither of us expected it that early.

As the cliche goes, one life, live it!

OP, you've had mostly balanced responses.

Deck. I understand that you're going through a shite time at the moment but it's disingenous to suggest that your marriage problems are due to the age difference between you and the wank badger you're married to.
Your marriage is unhappy because he's abusive, not because he's older.

the becoming a carer can happen at any age though - the 80yr old husbands of my friends are both very active, one of them puts me to shame with the level of his involvement in his local area etc. He's always giving talks, on marches, he's fab! Twink had a wonderful marriage, with age gap, for 22 yrs, but when her dh sadly became ill he must only have been early 50's. that's no age at all and must have been such a shock for you twink - can't imagine people not speaking to you because of the marriage

There's an 8 year age gap between myself & DP, between myself & exp, there was 10 years. exp would never have been given a chance if I'd met him in a friendship context before we met from a dating website. DP had been a good friend before we got into any of the relationship bobbery.

I guess as long as you have known the chap in question well, and have seen him in a variety of settings, then his chances of being a cockwomble will be drastically reduced! Have you met his family? Would it be terrible if he started turning into one or another of them?

Not gonna lie, it was tough, our dd was 9 and had to witness her dad going from her big tough rock to a skeleton in 15 months. He was 52, loiner45 is quite right these things can happen at any age. Chris Bonnington has just climbed the Old Man of Hoy aged 80... You can't plan for every eventuality so go with your gut instincts