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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Can you be friends with someone you like?

7 replies

Motheroftwo123 · 03/03/2015 10:47

Can you be friends with someone you like??
Hello everyone !

Gosh I don't really know where to start I have a feeling this will turn into quite an essay so I do apologise in advance!

Right so 9 months ago I just come out of a 4 year relationship I had 2 children with my partner at the time he cheated on me loads of times and I kept on forgiving him because we was a family but in the end I had enough and realised I was worth more than a cheat and finally left was the best thing I could have done! I was in such a dark place when we split up and it took quite a few months to start to feel happy again but I did yeyy!! So now comes the next part of my story ... I met a guy on a dating website and he had just come out of a relationship himself was cheated on too by his ex so we was both in a similar situation but he had recently just split with her whereas I had been single a few months at this point. At first he said he wanted a girlfriend and I told him he didn't and if he did get into a relationship he would regret it and he just had to be on his own for a while and I told him i would be there to help him through is as a friend .. Anyways we ended up going on dates and he would sleepover at my house and then the bloody feelings started to. Creep in! I had to keep telling myself we was just friends but we would speak to eachother everyday morning until night see eachother 3/4 times a week none of us was speaking to any other people so to me I felt like I was in a relationship but I wasn't and it was messing with my head so much ! I tried to carry on he always said to me I'm not ready for a relationship yet but I'm never saying never I don't know what the future holds so to me this have me hope ... This carried on for 2 months and I thought I can't keep going on like this so I told him then he said he understood then later that might he messaged me he was drunk ... I never knew this at the time but he has a gambling addiction! And the night I told him I wanted to stop whatever it was we had going on he gambled a lot of money! and I'm just too much of a nice person to walk away and I made a promise when I first met him I would help him through so I felt like I couldn't walk away now! I was there for him he doesn't have any friends either which makes it so much worse because he hasn't got anyone to open up too! So he came round anyways and completely opened up to me told me everything and I just thought how can u possibly leave someone to go through this on there own! I just haven't got the heart to do it. the thing is when I'm with him I really enjoy the time we're spending together and whenever we stop speaking I feel so rubbish I proper like him and it's so hard to accept we're just friends. I know though all he needs right now is a friend someone to spend time with and someone to talk too. The only problem is whenever I'm with him I always end up sleeping with him because I really do like him! I don't know what the hell to do. He's really depressed ATM and the last thing he wants is a girlfriend and I understand this completely. So isit possible to just be friends with someone you like? Anyone got any advice because I literally have no idea which step to take! Tia xxxxxxx

OP posts:
alwayslookingforsomething · 03/03/2015 10:49

It doesn't sound like you are friends if you are sleeping with him. Sounds more like a FWB situation

pocketsaviour · 03/03/2015 10:54

So he came round anyways and completely opened up to me told me everything and I just thought how can u possibly leave someone to go through this on there own!

Fuck that. You're not his mum, you're not his counsellor, and you've already told him that you're developing more feelings for him than you're comfortable with. You are not responsible for this man's mental health. He obviously needs help, and you can point him towards that help, but you can't fix him.

If he is an addict then he needs treatment, and please beware as addicts can be very selfish. Sad

I'm just wondering if you have a habit of trying to "fix" people? Do you feel its your responsibility to "make" your friends or loved ones happy?

Motheroftwo123 · 03/03/2015 11:03

Hahaha! That made me giggle "fuck that" yes I have this habit of trying to fix everyone it's well annoying!! He has been getting help which I have pushed him towards to get it. Been attending gamblers anonymous meetings too! I am too nice of a person :( it's so true it is more like a friends with benefits situation but it's me that will be hurt in the long run it's so frustrating because I don't know why the hell to do argh! Everytime I stop speaking to him I always end up speaking back with him and find myself in the same boat blerkk xxxx

OP posts:
blueberrypie0112 · 03/03/2015 11:07

In your case, no, you are already in a romantically involved in him. But yet trying to hold back.

I would be concern about his gambling issues. You can't change him. They have to want to change for themselves (trying to change for their girlfriend or spouse never works. It may work temporarily but not for long term)

Motheroftwo123 · 03/03/2015 11:10

Well he told me about the gambling problem and he gave me all his cards etc and he signed up to these ga meetings. He's told his family about it and his parents are currently taking control of his finances and he is doing it for himself I'm just here to help him if he needs someone to speak too xxx

OP posts:
alwayslookingforsomething · 03/03/2015 11:18

This will lead to heartbreak, sorry

Motheroftwo123 · 03/03/2015 11:32

Don't say sorry it's what I need to be told :)! Deep down I know it will do I'm just being silly thinking it will work xxx

OP posts:
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