Scared of moving on. And don't actually know how to do it!

[Poochlover]

I need to leave DP.

He's an alcoholic. He does nothing all day but drink and nap then drink and nap.

He wasn't like this in the beginning (been together 5 years).
I've moved out and stayed with friends twice but always returned when he got better, and yes you know the drill, promises the earth keeps it up for two weeks and then back to his normal.

He's become progressively worse. I've done everything I can to help, he's had every form of therapy I can think of. Nothing has worked I guess because he didn't want it to.

I don't have the energy to help now. I don't even want to which is horrible I know . I don't love him anymore.

He's threatened me with weapons a couple of times, and to punch me in the face. To be fair, this has been when I've been angry and shouting or having a go at him for something. I don't think he'd ever actually do it.

He smells of urine quite often which I think is disgusting. I bought some new units for the living room and he weed on them when he was drunk and the smell will NOT go.

I refuse sex. He tries to do it when I'm asleep :(

He knows I am unhappy and has recently taken to trying to pay me attention, coming over for hugs and stuff and I just feel as if he's playing mind games.

How do I move out. I can't afford to rent somewhere and pay half the mortgage on the house we co-own. I can't live with any family or friends. I don't have children and I work but not on a very good wage.

I'm 36 he's almost 50. Not married.

I'm so hurt by his actions, I am being a right wimp. I cry all the time, some days I don't even want to get out of bed. I work from home most days and our house needs loads of work doing to it. DP has lost loads of jobs through his drinking. He won't do anything in the house. He sits in front of the TV watching films, drinking. That's all he does.

I'm so so upset. I don't feel like myself any more at all. I'm so unhappy and have been for so long I don't feel like I know what happy feels like, or if I can ever do it, be it again.

I envisioned so much better for myself. I used to be hard working and ambitious and I have been to university twice. I used to love life.

I can't sleep and I'm always feeling ill.

I guess I just needed to get this down.

Has anybody else been in a similar situation and coped, thrived even?

Could you rent a room somewhere? When I left exh, I rented a room with a single bed, single wardrobe and a tiny window. I was on my arse, completely. But I got a private 1 bedroom flat about a year later. 15 years on, I can't believe I put up with his crap for so long.

OK so you have a joint mortgage? how does he pay his half if he doesn't work?

you will have to sell the house, take out whatever equity you have in it and move on

maybe get some legal advice - ask at the CAB for any free advice they can give

good luck - you will be much better off without him

by the way, he is abusive if he has threatened to harm you so you could phone Women's Aid and see if they have any advice

Thank you for all the replies.

Yes we have a joint mortgage. He is claiming benefits. I am a bit scared to ask the state of his finances if I am honest. He gets about £80 a week. I don't think I have rights to the house. He put me on it a year or so ago, he'd had it for 20 years prior to that.

I will call Women's Aid and CAB.

I would rent a room if I could, but I have a dog and I really don't want to leave her with him. I'm scared I just won't cope alone after being so depressed for so long. Scared I'll sink even further. If there's a 'further'.
I don't use depressed as in think I am clinically depressed but I think I definitely am due to this situation.

i never ever thought this would happen. I feel so stupid and ashamed of myself.

I think you will find your depression will be magically cured if you can get away from this lazy, abusive excuse of a man!

you are not stupid and you shouldn't be ashamed - shit happens, but you have a whole new life ahead of you

get legal advice first and foremost, then plan what you are going to do.

you will be FINE!! really

Sorry for what is happening to you; I just wanted to say I left an EA relationship and had the same worries but I managed to find a room to rent in a dog friendly house and it has been great. Yes there was less choice but there were a few places that allow pets; search on the big room share websites and you can search for pets allowed only. Good luck x

tante last couple of times I've temporarily left I was depressed still. Maybe I didn't give it long enough? I just felt like a failure, resented paying for accommodation when I co-own two houses and after all his promises in the beginning I just felt awful.

I felt like I was encroaching on my friend's spaces and being not in a great frame of mind, like a burden.

If I stayed where I am though, watching him drink himself to death-even taking away the practical issues It's so depressing in itself! I'm just so down I think I feel I am not strong enough to leave. Ive done it before with past boyfriends but I've always been lucky enough to find somewhere good to live.
I will start looking today thanks for the tip, umbongo :)