How do you share out drop off and pick up?

[slowdownyourneighbours]

My Dh insists he drops off and I pick up DS from nursery. We both work full time.
It's really hard for me to leave work early every day. It really affects my work and means I have very little social life.

If I want to work late or go out with friends after work I have to email him a week in advance to ask permission to
swap. This week all week is a no. Next week is a maybe, he'll let me know.

I'm really starting to resent this situation, it feels like he has all the power. Is this set-up normal?

Thanks for thoughts

If he goes out a couple of nights a week, presuming that is straight after work, that is SO unfair on you.

We have a similar set up to you in that DH does the drop off every morning. This means I can leave home very early and get to my desk for 8am. Then I can leave at 4.45 and get to nursery for pick up at 5.30pm ish.

If he OR I need to swap over (for example he has an early meeting, or I have a late one or if either of us want to go out after work) then we send a quick email/text to each other to check that this is ok with the other ones diary.

But it’s not asking for permission, it’s just simple family scheduling – the same way that we plan dinners and our weekends.
Also, even though the status quo is for me to do pick up, DH still checks with me that its ok if he goes out after work because that means he won’t be home do to bath time.

I do find that from a work point of view it is harder to leave earlier than your colleagues. Most of my colleagues get in at 9-9.30 and it’s very often that someone comes to me with a vital question at 4.30 and I hate having to leave then! So I can see why he prefers the drop off.

That said he sounds like he’s being an inflexible arse and its preventing you from having a social life which is just not on when he’s out drinking twice a week!

I do both pick up and drop off as DH has a lengthy commute, I very rarely have a mid week night out as it means DH has to finish early and it's very visible to his management. I have to give loads of notice and get quite resentful when he goes out at the drop of a hat.

Can you get a calendar and pre book nights you are going out, so that he is aware that you are serious about getting out? Also if he is doing collection do you do drop off? So he can start early?

My only other idea is have a local family member/friend who could do the odd pick up ?

is there a particular reason why he is so keen on the 'morning' nursery run?
I would be cautious op about this. Can you suggest you try a week when you go in the mornings because you need to be seen reliable to your company and it seems your dh doesn't like you having your own social life by the sounds of it or maybe resents you working?

I do all drop offs and pick ups, in fact most of the childcare, because my dh works all day and I dont.

That said, I don't think it would occur to either one of us to put working late and socialising before the children. You kind of give up that flexibility when you have children.